Today I had to mention Sailorman. It was weird, awkward, and I stumbled before calling him my fiance. It felt....wrong to call him my fiance. If anything, I think I'd prefer to call him my boyfriend. But, that feels wrong too. What do I call him? My person? My special someone? Those are wrong too. My estranged fiance? Talk about an oxymoron there. I feel so disconnected. When we talk, it's started to feel a bit more comfortable. That first conversation we had when I wasn't yelling at him...that was weird to say the least. Now he talks about our future, and I don't say anything. He talks about me moving out there, and I gently correct him by saying IF.
I'm trying to work this out, I'm trying to move on. I know that this only happened a week ago, and I should allow myself time to settle. I don't have to forgive right now. I shouldn't forgive right now. I just wish that the healing process would speed up and I could get past the uncertainty that is my life right now.
I'm glad he's getting help. He went to the Chaplain today, he got some "homework" and is making the moves towards a relationship with God. That is all WONDERFUL news. I am glad. But I'm also frustrated. I'm confused, and don't really have an unobjective third party to help me out. Man this situation SUCKS.
Just a girl who accidentally fell in love with a United States Sailor, who I call Sailorman. This blog is here to help me sort out the ups and downs that are our relationship, random thoughts, and connecting to other milspouses.
Welcome to my mind.
Sailorman is, for the most part, an absolute sweetheart. He's my knight in shining armor who is always there to save me from myself. He doesn't fully approve of blogs, so out of respect for him, as well as for security reasons his picture and name won't come up. However, he will be a star player, because well, he's a huge part of my life. I love his crazy dorky personality and I'm so excited to be his future wife!
