Now What?

Please forgive any typos or errors, im blogging from my phone tonight lovelies.

Well, im here. I made it and in Virginia in one piece. Im in Sailorman's room, in our bed, wondering.....and now what? I'm still alone, and his roommate and his gf hate me. I hate that I have to deal with this, but more than that, im afraid to deal with it. Weird right? I've done a lot of battle recently, and yet these two people who I care nothing for leave me afraid of confrontation. I also have no idea why. Tomorrow is a walmart trip, and im already semi dreading it.

I haven't even gotten to the best part; they've already stacked all of Sailorman's stuff from the living room into his bedroom. There is literally no space for anything. Wonder how on earth we're going to deal with all his bags......

Back To Twelve

 It's the link up time with Amber again! Go to Goodnight Moon and pick out your song too :)

So, right now I'm watching Josie and the Pussycats. Why? No idea, except that for some reason I own it. I remember being in absolute love with this movie when I was younger. I loved the crazy clothes, and the incredibly catchy songs! They made me happy. So, here's a silly Josie and the Pussycats song for you guys to enjoy!

Pintrest Procrastination

So, I'm dawdling from packing right now. Where am I? on Pintrest of course! what did I find? This gem!

Totally Sailorman if you ask me lol.

Friends

Today I got to thinking: what really makes a friend?

I think that a friend is sooo much more than just someone that you're "friends" with on facebook. Recently, I decided to delete the former BFF from my facebook. Why? Eh, I don't really even have one reason to tell the truth. It was a bunch of little things. I just realized that we hadn't spoken on the phone or in person in about three months. We exchanged two or three messages on facebook, and they were sooo impersonal. She had "liked" quite a few posts I made, commented on things, and then NEVER RESPONDED after I responded to her original comments.

It got to be insanely annoying. I was tired of the "friendship teaser" I suppose. I just realized one day during a conversation with Sailorman, we weren't anything more than facebook friends, and while I do have many people that I am not actively friends with on my facebook, she wasn't someone that I was willing to get active glimpses of my life anymore. She still can, because I am guilty of playing FB games, and we both have fake profiles that we made together and are friends with. Not to mention she has admitted to blog stalking back when she was supposed to do revamp my design.

Anyways, her mom decided to message me, asking what was going on, saying that D was VERY upset, and had been crying all day. She also told me "not to let the devil ruin our relationship." I'm sorry, but this is not my fault. I am not the one who stopped talking to her. She stopped talking to me.

*And if she's reading this let me just say this: I honestly believe that you are letting your BF control you to the point where you decided to make him more important than your relationship with me. If that's your choice, then more power to you, I hope it's the right one. But do not for a moment think that I'm the bad guy here. I'm just really tired of dealing with your BS all the time. I have a lot on my plate, a lot that I don't blog about, and I just cannot deal with unnecessary drama in my life.*

Now that that is actually out there, I feel better. I am really blessed that I have a man in my life who doesn't feel the need to treat me as a "little woman" who can't solve my own problems. He will support me always, take the lead when I need him to, and never shoves his way to be the "hero." He is without a doubt, my best friend, and always will be. Hopefully someday I find a kindred spirit who can love me as I am, no strings attached. Someone who doesn't push my needs aside, and someone who doesn't take advantage of my nature to be helpful.

As for this "situation" that is in all honestly just a blip on my radar, I just want to go on the record by saying that just facebook is not the end all and be all of what encompasses a friendship. If that's what someone truly believes, then I sincerely hope that I learn that soon. Because hearing someone was "distraught" over an unfriending actually made me laugh then think "wow, who has so little going on in their lives that THAT is such a big deal for them?" Call me a mean bitch, but I'm just calling it like I saw it.

What do you think? Is this a ridiculous farce that I've found myself in the middle of? Or am I just being bitchy? It's ok, you can tell me what you think!

PS, I promise to post pics of what happened with my hair, I've just been both insanely busy with PACKING/being lazy. And I really don't wanna take pictures of me all grunged out. Bad enough Sailorman has had to deal with grungey me during our last few Skype dates.

A Man's Perspective

Today's song for Amber's link up over at Goodnight Moon is something that Sailorman has mentioned time and time again as "my" song.

Something tells me that this isn't a 'new' song to many. She's Everything by Brad Paisley, who is without a doubt one of my favorite artists, makes me heart melt. Sailorman has said on numerous occasions that it does even more for him. So, without further ado, here it is:

Two Years

Today is September 11th, if you read my previous post you'll see my thoughts about what happened ten years ago. It's strange, but the majority of my thoughts about this date do not center on tragedy. You see, two years ago today, I met Sailorman in the flesh for the first time.

We'd known each other roughly a year. However, we'd never actually met. We'd logged considerable IM hours, texts, and minutes on our phone bills. That went on for a year, we were friends. I could say that he was my best male friend, actually he still is. For that matter, Sailorman is my best friend period. There's nothing that I can't tell him, despite the fact that there is quite a bit that he wishes I did keep to myself. (When I'm in agony during my girly time I tend to be a bit graphic lol.)

I'd known that he was moving to Virginia at the end of the month. I had just gotten completely fed up with my boyfriend at the time, he'd blown me off yet again and was basically being a five year who was pretending I didn't exist. I had gotten a reminder email two days prior telling me that my free flights from Southwest were going to expire in three weeks. I made an impulsive decision.

I asked Sailorman if he wanted a houseguest for the weekend. He immediately replied "sure!" I guess he really wanted to "meet" me lol. When I saw him for the first time, I thought he looked really angry. It was actually because he had gotten lost getting to the airport and ended up on a Marine base. He drove me to his apartment and said he was hungry, and where did I want to go. I told him anywhere was fine with me, I'm fairly easy going when it comes to where I'm going to eat, I'm just picky about what I'll put in my mouth. He decided on McDonald's because it's cheap, on the way, and fast. We got back to his place, ate our food and watched a couple of episodes of House.

It was fun. It'd been a while since I could remember true fun with a guy. I enjoyed his company. He listened to me, thought I was funny. Couldn't stop staring at me. I'd never felt so.....appreciated before. Even throughout our horrible rough spots, when we were together he has never failed to make me feel beautiful, inside and out.

When I left Sunday, I didn't want to go. Our talking, which had been fairly steady skyrocketed. To say we were both thankful we have Verizon would have been an understatement. Two weeks after that first weekend I was back in San Diego to tell him goodbye. I honestly thought we'd never see each other again. I thought he was always going to be that charming Sailor I met and had two amazing weekends together. Instead, when I got home I became his girlfriend. Then promptly told him he had to ask me on another day because it was the ex's anniversary. He mockingly said "well why don't we just wait until the first then? That way you get a whole different month" Hence the reason why our official anniversary is Oct. 1st.

However, I still call today our McDonald's anniversary. He has a semi-problem with it, I guess because it sounds like such a sucky "first date" going to McDonald's. I had a blast. I loved it, I love that we still do things like that together. For all my intensely girly ways, I am really laid back when it comes to "dates." I don't need someone to shell out tons of money for food that I could probably recreate and make taste better. I think I've cherished our "order pizza and rent a movie" nights more than the times we've gone out to eat. Probably because I can wear my pjs and not have to do my hair or makeup when we stay home. So, Happy McDonald's Anniversary Sailorman, you are without a doubt the best impulse I've ever followed through on. I can't wait to marry you.

Ten Years

Honestly, I have very few words concerning what is a major factor in all of our lives. Not just us as MilSpouses, but us as Americans. What happened ten years ago forever changed the way we live. There are days I wish I had a completely heartbreaking of poignant story of where I was on September 11, 2001. The reality is I don't.

I remember waking up late, because I was going to the orthodontist, to get my bands changed. I was half awake, and I tend to be a bit grumpy at first. My mom was glued to the television, she just looked at me, and said "The Twin Towers have collapsed, and they did it." I think all I did was look at her, said "ok" and then left the room. Later on, my mom decided that we were still going to keep my appointment. Once there, we were nearly run over by one of the techs. She apologized and told us that her son's school had called and everyone needed to pick up their kids. The City was going into shut down mode. Not surprising, seeing as how San Francisco is definitely one of the west coast's largest cities.

Instead of the soft jazz the office usually had on, it was a report from New York. There weren't many details, I couldn't tell you anything even if I tried. I was 12, and had no head for world matters. I remember thinking, selfishly now I realize, why was this such a big deal. Oh.....how very self centered I was. Makes me flash back to being in the fourth grade and being yelled at by my teacher for saying I hadn't wanted to go to Pearl Harbor when I went on vacation to Hawaii the summer before, because I didn't get the big deal. The things that you see as priorities as a child. I wish I could say I wish I had been more aware, but I don't. I'm glad I was able to be a child about this, because there were so many other times in my life where I was put in situations that caused me to grow up far too fast.

My mom had me call my school's office, to ask if school was closed. It wasn't, but so many parents were pulling their kids out that they were starting to think they should. My mom took me to work, where chaos reigned supreme. Security was at the highest I'd ever seen it. My mom didn't have her badge with her, she had fallen into the habit of keeping that at work and leaving it there. By some stroke of luck, the supervising security guard knew her, my mom's pretty friendly, and I think his mother was one of her patients. He waved her through when she was detained for not having an ID, and for that she was grateful.

She put me in the conference room, where it was packed with doctors, nurses, and clerks, all gathered around a tiny crank TV, watching the news. We heard then that all planes had been grounded, about attempt on the Pentagon, and the brave people who had overpowered another plane and caused it to crash in a field. There was a moment in that room, when I realized: "Nothing will ever be the same again."

Sailorman has told me many times he was in his English class when the news came. He realized in that moment that he wanted to join the service. He chose his path the moment he heard; and I wondered why it was such a big deal. I've never told him that before. I realize the magnitude now. I realize that it's because of this that Sailorman is where he is, doing the job he does. Why our boyfriends, fiances, and husbands do what they do. And yes, I do get, why this is such a big deal. It's what we live with everyday, every hour and every moment of worry when our loved one deploy.

I think Sailorman said it best:

We may not be in a state of war where our troops are actively fighting, but we will continue to hunt the remnants of Al Qaeda, and all of their proxies, for as long as it takes to eradicate them all, and have them answer for the crimes they commit against innocent people, most of whom are Muslims themselves.

For My Mamma

It's that time of the week again! Another week down, which means another week closer to welcome my love home YAY! Link up with Amber over at Goodnight Moon!

Thinking about my upcoming "Hitch 'n Ditch" as I'm now referring to my wedding, and my mom. She's not gonna be there, and while that makes me sad, I know that ultimately it's the best. She's planning a reception for us in December when we're here for Christmas, and we'll make that a complete blast. So, this week's song is dedicated to her. Mamma Mia is one of our favorite musicals, and I think that this describes a lot of her feelings towards me marrying and moving perfectly.

The End of a Party

My pity party that is. I had a good long sulk when it came to my severe lack of enthusiasm and friends when it came to my wedding. I wasn't expecting to feel so bummed about it honestly. Then, it just hit me. I've processed, and while I'm probably not completely over it, I'm definitely on my way to being over it. One thing that has SERIOUSLY helped is the fact that while I might not have friends physically with me, I do have friends. Amazing ones that I would have never in a million years met if not for the crazy life I've been on the fringes of for the past two years. Now that I'm about to jump in fully, both feet and over my head, I'm becoming more and more aware of just how lucky I am to be a part of such an amazing group of ladies.

Ones who bring support, encouragement, offer to do silly bride things with me as soon as I'm in Virginia. Others who offer their services as sounding boards for any and all plans for our very small wedding. And yet another who is actually planning on attending my "hitch and ditch" day. (Totally just thought of that one, I think it's rather clever. Making a note to tell Sailorman that one, I think he'll get a kick out of it.) I'm so very grateful for the support and encouragement. Two of those friends do blog, and read mine, so here I am, publicly saying thank you. The other doesn't have a blog, so....yet another mental note to make sure to tell her thank you for being such an amazing person who cheered me up when I really needed it. To all of you, THANK YOU. You've shown me what real friendship is, and I don't think I can express how much that means to me.

On to some other stuff going on in my life! Post-Deployment rituals. I do believe it was Mrs S who said something like "we scramble to undo the months of neglect to our beauty rituals" I'm probably paraphrasing, because I can't remember her exact words. Whatever it was, I completely agree! Tomorrow I have an appointment for a "Supermodel Makeover" at a fairly fancy salon. My first fancy salon in 18 plus months! Am I looking forward to this? Oh yeah. Am I nervous? Oh yeah!

This salon has this special going on: all over base color, up to 16 foils for highlights, cut, and style.....for $129! I'm not too sure about other areas, because I've only lived here. But this is a STEAL. Even partial highlights alone usually cost as much as all of this. Not to mention I yelp'd them to death, read about 50 reviews, and for the most part they were all glowing. The majority of the negative ones were for the Brazilian Blowout, and there's no way that I'd be doing that to my hair, no matter how much my frizz frustrates me. I'll be sure to take before and after pics. I'm thinking of going for a sort of J.Lo summery look. We'll see what the stylist says, I think I have the coloring to pull it off.

Now, I have a slightly silly question: When it comes to hair appointments, do you wash your hair the night before and let it air dry to give the stylist the "this is what you're dealing with" factor? Because I totally do. Even if I know that my hair is going to be washed at the salon, I still do the air dry deal the day/night before just so they know the amount of frizz involved. I made the mistake when I was living in Southern California of coming into a salon with my hair straightened (this was after classes) and she refused to believe me when I said I was very frizzy, so please keep that in mind. She cut it so weird that when I washed my hair and was towel drying I resembled Annie's exotic looking cousin or something......NOT something I'd like to experience 24 days before my wedding.

That's pretty much all on my mind right now, but I may or may not be posting my thoughts about the waxing appointment I have to book. I promise, no pictures of that!

Bride Blues

It's been a while since I've posted a "real" blog post. Lots of reasons for that, one of the main ones being that I'm lazy lol. I could blame it on needing to pack all my belonging because I'm moving next month (eek!) but, well, that'd be a lie. I've barely begun to pack. Not only does it not feel real yet, I'm also not ready to let go of the fact that this isn't going to be "home" anymore. It won't be where I spend all my time anymore. So, I've been ignoring the reality that I am going to be moving cross country with Sailorman by doing......nothing. Besides watching a lot of movies of course. I'm sure I'll get my butt into gear soon. I'm great under pressure after all. It's just....getting the motivation to do it that's my problem.

It's been hard for me in other areas too. Since my huge fallout with my former BFF D, I feel completely friendless here in the Bay. I know it's not truly true. I do have friends. It's just that my friends are far from me. A lot of my friends are those I made in college, and I went to college roughly 400 miles away from where I live. I feel like I have no one in my life who is excited for me. D was supposed to be helping me with this. She promised she would be there, and when I needed her, she was completely unavailable. I feel like she's let her boyfriend rule everything she does. Since he hates me she hates me too. That might be completely wrong, but that's how I feel.

I'm going to be a bride, and don't feel like one. I'm not having a bridal shower. I'm not going to have friends do silly fun things for me. D wrote on my wall via FB asking when I'm leaving for VA. I answered, and never got a reply. It just feels so false, anything she does. I guess I didn't realize until now how completely hurt I am by her treatment of me. Her mom, who isn't all that great of a person, has been so much nicer to me. Sigh. I wish I knew what to do here. I just feel so sad. I'm supposed to be out of my mind with excitement and happiness. Instead, I can't help but feel that no one cares.

I know I have friends. I have amazing friends. The problem is distance between me and those amazing friends.

I just wonder? Does every bride get the Bride Blues?