Off The Map: Link Up with Goodnight Moon

It's that time again! Linking up for What's your song with Amber over at Goodnight Moon. For some reason, this song has been on repeat in my head lately. I think that it's probably because this is one of the first songs on our great half country road trip that Sailorman played for me. He said that it reminded him of us. I can see why. We fight and love hard, however, we're absolutely insane for each other. It's nice to know no matter how mad we make each other we're still completely in love with the sun shining for us.

Toilet Paper

I know I said I was going to spare you, but after having similar conversations like 4 times over the last 7 days about this subject, I think the universe is trying to tell me that it's blog worthy.

Sailorman is....weird. He likes to talk about toilet paper. Actually, he waxes poetic about toilet paper Cottonelle if you wanted to know. Did you? Oh well, now you anyways. Yes, a few days ago, Sailorman talked for A WHOLE HOUR about Cottonelle, and how much he liked it. Also, how much he disliked gas station toilet paper because it felt like sandpaper. Yup, this is the guy I'm nuts about, who I can't wait to marry, and I want to procreate with him someday. What on earth was I thinking? Honestly, there are some days when I think that he drugged me into falling in love with him. That HAS to be the reason I find it hilarious and adorable how much he loves his toilet paper.

Hopping for Easter

lol ok, I know Easter was yesterday, but today is Military Monday Blog Hop! I've never done this before, but I've decided that I should probably get my blog out there a bit more, especially since I can't pimp it out on my facebook. So here it goes!

Sailorman's Priorities

Wanna know something funny? Today while FB chatting with Sailorman, the subject of how complimentary and how, for lack of a better term, appreciative he's been of me lately. Let me share a little bit of the conversation. It won't be exact, probably because I won't remember it word for word. However, I know that I'm going to be very close.

Me: aww honey, you're such a sweetheart! It's amazing how deployment has brought this huge romantic streak out.
SM: Well, I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder
Me: We've had absence before
SM: Not like this
Me: that's true I suppose. Though you've never been this....appreciative of me before. It's strange....good, but strange. I'm not used to it.
SM: well baby, I know that I probably didn't show it before, but I took for granted being able to talk to you everyday and pretty much whenever I wanted. That's never going to happen again.
Me: awwwww!

Oh yeah, I have the sweetest guy ever. Let's share another part of our conversation today. Why? Because I'm still in gushy mood.

SM: you know, you're everything on my list of what I wanted in a wife.
Me: seriously? You've never said that before.
SM: yeah babe really.
what do you mean I've never said that before?
Me: well you haven't. I didn't even know you HAD list.
SM: well I do. Here's I'll share.
You're smart.
You're beautiful
You're strong
You're a damn good cook
and last but definitely not least, you're amazing between the sheets (this made me laugh so hard I started crying, gotta love that man's list right?)

So that's a little insight into our conversations. Be happy I spared you the very lengthy conversation we had a few days ago about toilet paper.....yeah still have no idea where that one came from.

Linkup With Goodnight Moon

 Today I decided to FINALLY link up with Amber over at Goodnight Moon Amber is an amazing mom to four chickens, an amazing writer, and an all around rockstar Marine Wife. If you're not following her yet you totally should because she's awesome! If you do, make sure I say hi :) 

So, as you can tell by my last post, this song has been on my mind lately. I think it's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard, though I have a serious soft spot for anything Brad Paisley. I'm looking forward to the day I can see him live! 

Remembering the Fall

Lately has been, and here's hoping I don't jinx myself, amazing. Sailorman and I have been connecting at such an intimate level, that it makes me truly believe that we CAN survive this. More than survive really, we can thrive and grow during this. What brought on this conclusion? a few things, but the main one being, Sailorman showing me his vulnerable side. He told me how lately he's been missing me a lot, more than usual. He told me how much he loves me, how much he appreciates me, and really just how much he knows that everything I do for him IS above the call of duty so to speak. I'm happy to do all that I do for him, truly I am. I might complain and bitch about it from time to time, but I am happy to put together care packages. I'm happy to sit for (sometimes) hours trying to figure out what on earth to say in a letter that is supposed to be warming and uplifting. (Ok, that part I might complain about a little more than the rest, letter and emails are hard for me! I'm much more of a talker than a writer) I guess what I'm trying to say is, lately, Sailorman has made me feel.....honored. It's a humbling feeling to really FEEL that loved. It's been a while since I've felt this way. In a lot of ways it's like falling in love all over again. Only better, because I KNOW him now. It's not falling in love with the discovery of him. It's falling in love with everything I know about him, flaws and all, and growing that love to something deeper than I ever thought possible. Today is the day that I think I finally start to understand Brad Paisley's "Then"

Ok, I think I'm done with the gushy mushy stuff. Ok, probably not, but you know, yeah lol. On to the more "practical" things that have been floating around my mind lately.

He got my second care package today. He said it was much appreciated, which I was glad about. This one had been a little.....slapped together to tell the truth. I didn't bake any cookies (if you knew me in real life I think you'd be shocked by that statement, I'm rather known for always baking cookies) Instead, I put in some different breads in jars for his treats. I'm sure he's going to like them, the first box I threw in at the last minute a jar of banana bread that he was insanely excited about. It was absolutely adorable.

I also got him a new shower poof. It was so sweet what he said about it. More or less it was "baby, thank you so much for everything that you put in that box! How did you know that I needed a new poof? My old was in desperate need of replacing, I really should have done it beforehand. I love that you thought to give me a new one." How did I know? Well sweetie, I was there when you packed it and thought to myself "that thing has seen better days, you should remember to replace it while he's out there."

Another thing that he wouldn't stop gushing about was these Clif bars that I found. Ever since he told me how much he likes them, I've started looking around for different flavors. For the most part, Sailorman buys his from the NEX or gas stations. That means limited flavor choices. It was until we went to TJs (Trader Joe's) for the first time when he came out for a visit that he discovered MANY different flavors. So last month when I was at the health food store browsing around I discovered three different flavored Clif bars that I'd never seen before. Obviously, I bought them for my loverface, and he is definitely loving them! The flavors I found were: Banana Nut Bread, Apricot, and Maple Nut. I haven't heard the verdict on the Apricot, but the other two are a thumbs up, with the Banana Bread as "the best ever, I think I've found a new favorite flavor you are AMAZING for finding this for me" Apparently it's that good. I'm looking forward to tasting it after I order a box from this website I found that sells a box of 12 for a decent discount.

Yeah, that's my life now, getting excited that my loverface is happy with his care packages. No, that's not all my life is, but as of right now that's the part that is giving me the most satisfaction. I'm happy and in love. I think this is one of those moments I'm going to remember as the time I fell for the second time. I'm sure that there are going to be others, and I'll look back and smile at this time, and think to myself: and you thought you loved him then.

The Beginnings of Resolution

I talked to Sailorman via Yahoo chat a couple of nights ago. Fighting through ims really sucks. You don't get to hear nuances, not to mention that sometimes you're so mad you don't remember how to type. Bottom line boils down to: Sailorman is a green eyed jealousy monster when he's on deployment. Oh joy, this is going to be a long 16 years of deployments! He still think I did wrong, but it was unintentional so I'm "forgiven" for it. Sigh.....I guess it's a stalemate right? I think we're finally ok, however if I'm going to be hanging out with any guys I have to "let him know" whatever that means. Once again, this is so weird for him! I know I keep saying that over and over again, but it's just so strange that he's so jealous of hugs and hangouts. I'm trying to be more sensitive about it, but it's hard. After the fight, we made up which is always nice. I think we're doing better now. This is a first deployment, for the both of us. Obviously we're going to have bumps in the road. Since we're both pretty volatile people, those bumps turn to mountains.

In other news, yesterday was a long and very busy day for me. I did a nanny thing, drove to Sacramento, dropped off a bunch of stuff at my grandmother's and my aunt's, had lunch with my aunt. Then drove to Davis, was too early, so then I went to Walmart and hung out there for about an hour. I got some hair dye because I realized that my roots were showing and that seriously drives me nuts when it happens. Drove back to Davis, met up with my bestest friend in the world, drove around for a little bit, then met up with my ex for coffee. Don't worry, I mentioned it to Sailorman the day before when we were chatting. He was cool with it. (See, sensitive) and told me to have fun. I did have fun, I think I laughed more with him than I have since Sailorman left. I was exhausted, but I had such an amazing time. I wish that Sailorman was here, and my amazing times were with him. However, during our talk yesterday we both agreed that me being independent is a good thing. That involves me going out, seeing people, and having fun. Just because he's deployed doesn't mean that I have to be shut up in my house. I'm glad he's starting to get that.

Figuring Stuff Out

More thoughts on my last post. Please don't get me wrong, I understand Sailorman's point of view. It's just baffling to me because *I'm* the jealous one in our relationship. I'm the one that has freakout and in his words "bring Armageddon on" whenever something happens. I'm sure that if the roles were reversed I wouldn't be all the way ok with it. I would have accepted it, but I don't think I would be happy. That being said, Sailorman is the one who doesn't have those crazy jealousy issues. He's the one who thinks it's funny when guys start getting crushes on me. He's the one who is constantly pointing out guys who check me out. I usually miss this, so I'm not sure if he's pulling my leg or not. So my question is: Why now? I get that being over there can play mind tricks. I'm sure hearing stories about girls cheating while on deployment is messing with him.

However, HE SHOULD KNOW THAT I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. Period. I'm so over the way he made me feel over this very innocent hangout.

I'm also over how he has ignored all my emails for the last three days. No reply at all. This might be the wrong move, but I'm so tired of this that this is what I decided to do. Not respond for contact him for awhile. If he calls, that's great, we'll talk. However if, and this is a big if, he emails I'm not going to answer. I'm not going to answer Facebook wallposts or messages. Let's see how he handles being ignored. Like I said, this might  be the wrong move, but I'm just fed up right now.

When It Rains, It Pours

The past few days have been....interesting to say the very least. Last night I went out (shocker I know) with a friend who has been bugging me to go out for like a month. For the most part I've been complete hibernation mode since Sailorman left. I haven't been the mood to see people. At all. However, yesterday, I didn't feel as though I was in hibernation mode. I felt as though I was slowly circling the depression drain, just waiting for it to wash over me. I didn't want that to happen. So when this friend, we'll call him the Photographer, texted me to come out for dinner, I said yes.

It was a fun time. We went to Red Robin, I had a sundae as my dinner, and just enjoyed myself. He then invited me to go out for drinks with a few of his friends that he was meeting down in the Mission District. I (for once) didn't want to go home, so I said yes. Now, Photographer is older than I am. He's 36. His friends therefore, are around the same age as him. I felt very.....young around them. It was a strange sensation to feel so young. For the most part my friends are younger than I, so I usually tend to feel very old when I'm hanging around people. Back to the story at hand. We hung out with his friends for awhile, but when they switched to this other bar that was way too loud, I asked if we could go. Photographer immediately said yes, and took me back to my car. He was feeling sad, and looked really depressed, so I asked if he'd like me to go back to his place so we could talk for a while.

(I should interject here that Photographer got dumped by his fiance right before New Years, and he is incredibly depressed and mopey about it. In no way shape or form is he ready or even willing to make a move on anyone, and if anything he's kind of a whiny cry baby when it comes to the subject of his ex, who I guess I should name because any story containing him also contains by default her. Ummm, ok we'll name her Red. She's a redhead, and apparently that's his thing. Just thought I should stick this in now, before you start getting any ideas about inappropriate behavior. I promise, there was none!)

Photographer agreed and I followed him home. His place is utterly depressing. It looks like a monk's cell. Now obviously, Photographer is a photographer. He loves color, and is apparently pretty well known as a photographer. I don't know names, nor am I particularly starstruck in any case, so I don't really care if he is famous or not. I just see him as a rather goofy, very sad man who needs someone to both nurture and kick his ass every once in a while. We hung out, we talked, he cried. It got late, and I went home and passed out.

This morning I caught Sailorman on fb chat, so I said hi. He asked what I'd been up to and told him more or less everything that I just said. Then, Sailorman flipped out on me. I didn't think that hanging out with a friend would be cause for a HUGE guilt trip, but apparently it was. The main thing that I didn't understand was the fact that he was the one who told me to go and find friends in the City so I could hang out with people and get out of the house. Sailorman isn't the jealous type, so I didn't know how to react to this. He then very abruptly told me he had to go, said a quick I love you, and then signed off. I had made plans with Photographer for later that day, so we went to the Ferry Building and I met a few more of his friends. While there, I missed a call from Sailorman (when it rains it pours doesn't it?) So that was a full on freak out. It didn't help that Photographer kept trying to make me feel better by saying stuff like "well maybe this is an old missed call" and then the kicker, "well, why don't you call him back?" Sigh. Let's not even get into that one.

Photographer and I were supposed to go shopping for his apartment, but I was way too stressed and anxious from the missed phone call to want to do anything. I asked Photographer to take me home instead. Once I finally got home, an hour after the missed call which by the way Sailorman didn't even leave a message for, he called back. He was on the phone with his mom, so she got the hour phone call whereas I got the half hour one this time around. I'm sure that made her happy, it however made me sad. During our phone call we talked about why was it that Sailorman was acting so jealous. I couldn't understand why, because I'm not going to cheat on him. He knows I'm not, and I know that he trusts me. His argument was a repetition of "I trust you, I don't trust everyone else" and "someone might slip something into your drink when you're not looking and then what" Sigh. The conclusion was finally, I can hang out with Photographer as long as it isn't along in his apartment. The only way I can go there is if there's someone else over.

I can understand where he's coming from, but at the same time. If he trusts me, why doesn't he trust my judgment?

Deployment Slump

It's weird. I thought that I'd be active and busy when deployment came along. Don't get me wrong, I am busy. It's just....it's a very quiet busy. I'm job hunting, but that is slow going to say the least. I've put in tons of applications, only no one is calling. It's easy to get discouraged, but I know that if I can find a job, it'll probably be the best thing for me. I've started a project, a cross stitching project. Yep, I'm an old lady who likes to cross stitch. Really, that's what has taken up the majority of my time. I put on old movies and I stitch. I'm getting a callus on my middle finger, and my project is amazingly starting to jell and looking pretty damn good if I do say so myself. I'll post pictures soon. I need to figure out my new phone.

I'm obviously missing Sailorman very much, it's been really hard not talking to him on a regular basis. I shot him an email yesterday basically saying "I haven't heard from you in a while, I hope you're doing ok, I love and miss you." He emailed back saying that he's been switched to days, he has minimal sleep, and will do his best to call when he can. I know he doesn't think that I'm being whiny about not getting phone calls. I prepared myself for no phone calls. I just need to hear from him every couple of days so I don't start losing my mind with worry. On a brighter note, we're down a month! That's a pretty awesome if you ask me.

That's really all that's going on with me. My slightly boring, and yet strangely fulfilling life. The only thing I need is Sailorman home.

Something To Make You Smile

Guess What Happened to Me This Weekend?

I'd let you guess, but well, I doubt that you'd ever figure it out. Instead, I'll help you. My car was broken into. My window was smashed, and my iTouch, the radio converter/ipod charger, and my phone charger. I'm also thinking that my camera might have been stolen as well. Why? Because I can't find it anywhere and the last time I can remember having it was when I was in my car. Sigh. I can't officially talk to my insurance agent until tomorrow. I was able to get my window replaced yesterday, but to say this was scary would be putting it mildly. I'll leave you guys with a picture of the damage.

My poor car.....

18 Months

Today is Sailorman and I's 18 month anniversary! Yay us :) For the most part, we've had 18 incredibly happy months and I feel so blessed that he's my amazing fiance! Now, onto the amazingness that he did today!

I've been having serious trouble sleeping, as in not being able to sleep until 5am everyday. So I was finally able to sleep and was awoke around noon from my phone ringing, the caller ID saying Sailorman-Iraq. How freaking awesome is that???? I love phone calls, especially now that he's no longer being a butt about saying he loves me in front of his buddies.

So here we are, talking about random stuff when a knock comes at the front door. My mom answered it, and then comes shrieking into my room that I need to come to the front door because it's for me. I just kind of looked  at her and was all "I'm talking to Sailorman" and she just looks at me and says still shrieking btw, that I HAVE to go to the door. Please remember that I have just woken up, my hair is insane, and I'm wearing an old t shirt and really short shorts because it's been insanely hot lately. I see this guy holding these!

It was pretty incredible, especially since I was on the phone with Sailorman when it happened! As far as circumstances go, this is the best that I could ever hope for. Yes, I am so going to save these too.

The card is amazing, here, I'll show you :)

Of course, I couldn't help posing this picture!

I hope everyone is having as amazing a day as I am. I'm now off to get ready to go to this modern dance dealy and dinner with some family friends. Happy weekend!