Pillow Talk: Barbie Edition

A couple months ago Sailorman decided to scroll through my iTunes. Since we have VASTLY different tastes, I was a little leery about letting him go through it, but I figured since I'm allowed to go through his computer he should be allowed to go through mine.

During his perusal of my music, he looked over at me and said in a very sarcastic tone "Really honey, Barbie Girl?" Laughing and telling him not to judge me for it, I said "oh come on, you know that you love that song too!"

After a pause he looked back down at my computer mumbled "yeah you're right." Grinning I went back to what I was doing, and was interrupted with a very loud falsetto I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WOOOORRRRLD!

I love that man.

Life Lately

I haven't blogged in almost two months to the day. Before that it was a long time.....I think I haven't truly blogged since I moved cross country and got married to be honest. You'd think that I'd have so much more to say now, that my thoughts, frustrations, and dreams would multiply and spill over until everyone was super sick of hearing the same thing over and over again. Strangely enough though, the opposite has happened.

I have no pent up emotions anymore. Anything that needs to be said (concerning Sailorman) is said usually within a day or two of my initial annoyance or hurt. Since our Incident during his deployment our communication levels have grown to a level I'm pleasantly surprised. Not because I didn't think that Sailorman wasn't capable of having communication skills (hey we are talking about the person who I have spoken to for five hours straight to) but he was so resistant to ANYTHING to do with skill building when we were dating, that he shocked and surprised me by being so willing during the tail end of our engagement and our marriage.

I guess that's a really long wordy way of saying that marriage is great. We've passed our first year anniversary (which was nice despite the fact that I was laid up in bed) and are still pretty nuts about each other. We may not be as sickening as we used to be, but I think that's more due to the fact that we KNOW that the other is going to be there. There is no more "he/she has to leave in X amount of days" mentality. There is no more "we have to cram as much as we can into every possible second until we are utterly sick of each other and we're happy that the other is leaving soon." It's really nice.

I guess this is just a little post saying hi to my blogging friends (if I still have any) and saying that I'm doing great. Sailorman is doing great, and our furbaby Mickey Finn is just as much of a spoiled princess as ever. Life is good at the Nut house for Mr and Mrs Squirrel.

awww, Snap

I'm writing this from bed. It's also almost three in the afternoon. I haven't left bed except to get a drink, make some toast, go potty, and let Mickey Finn out for his potty breaks. 

Lying in bed with no tv in the bedroom sucks. I want to be on my computer and be able to look up and see something on. Not have a dvd playing in the background because I want to be online as well. Sigh....maybe I'll be able to convince Sailorman that a tv in our bedroom is a good idea, not a horrible one. 

I'm sure by now you're wondering what happened to make me bedridden. Well, I did nothing, my husband did it. 

Last Saturday we went to a wedding. The reception was on the beach, and we were playing around and walking when Sailorman decided to do the "hug and lift." During said hug and lift, I felt and heard a HUGE snap in my back. Immediately I started gasping for breath, rested on the sand and sort of but not really felt better. Over the next few days I did feel better, still very sore, but better. 

That was until Wednesday. I woke up with my back in terrible pain. I forced myself to continue on with my usual routine, that included a nice long walk. That really didn't help matters much. By Friday I was in so much pain I was hysterically crying. (BTW, I hardly if ever cry.) By that point Sailorman told me to put shoes on we were going to the ER. 

It took roughly an hour to get there (thanks tunnel traffic) and another hour before I had my vitals taken.  By then the pain was overwhelming (and I have a high pain tolerance) and I told them so. I sat back outside in the waiting room for another 15 minutes or so then was taken back into a private room. I was seen by a nurse, a med student, and a Physician's Assistant. I was poked, prodded, made to bed down (good golly that one hurt!), lift my legs, got x-rayed (which involved holding very uncomfortable positions that made my back feel worse), and had to pee in a cup to make sure I wasn't pregnant/checking my kidneys. This might be TMI, but I'm currently on my period. Trust me guys, I'm not pregnant. I did find it funny that they made me pee in the cup, then after I was done they gave me some liquid drugs before checking that I wasn't pregnant. 

After all that, four hours later, I was discharged with three meds. The mandatory Motrin that all Navy docs give out (so my husband informed me), a muscle relaxer, and Percocet. Until I feel better, I've been told bedrest/do as little as possible. We'll see how that ends up working out. 

I'm grateful that all of this was covered, I was seen to (by ER standards) in a very timely manner, and everyone I met was courteous. It sucks that this happened, especially since what caused it was supposed to be a sweet and playful gesture on my husband's part.

Today

Today is a day that everyone remembers for the tragedy, in the Squirrel house, we remember it as the day this journey started for us.

I think of today as the anniversary of the beginning of what my life is now. Three years ago today I met Sailorman in person for the first time. I didn't know what was going to happen, I didn't know if he was a crazy person, a jerk, or if he was going to be as funny and sweet as he had during our chat and text sessions.

It turns out it was a bit of both. He can be a jerk, he's kind of crazy, and he was and is the funny, goofy, sweetheart who made me fall into the like that prompted me to go down to San Diego to visit him in the first place.

He hates whenever I mention this in public, but our first date was McDonald's. I'm not a picky person, it was lateish by the time we left the airport, and I was REALLY hungry. So I told him I didn't care what we had, just as long as it was quick and on the way. The choices were McDonald's or Church's Chicken, and I'm actually not a huge fan of fried chicken. Since then we've always referred to Sept. 11th as our McDonald's Anniversary, seeing as how the day we became official was Oct 1st, also our wedding date. We figured less dates to remember was a good plan, especially for Sailorman who isn't really known for his stellar memory. (In fact he's forgotten so many things at home that at work it's now known as "pulling a Squirrel" whenever you have to go back for something.)

I guess the point of this post is an effort to get back into blogging, I've seen seriously slacking on this front for a long time. Another point is that though today is the anniversary of a tragedy, there is always something happy to look at. So I'm going to focus on the happy of today, the anniversary of me meeting my husband, and once he gets home, we're going to be going to McDonald's.

Let's Get Physical

Who else got Olivia Newton-John in their heads? No one? Guess it's just me. That's cool.

I'm entering The Young Reitree's  give away for a yoga mat.

Roughly seven or so years ago, I started yoga. Not because it's trendy, or I wanted a yoga body (not saying it wouldnt be nice though) but because I was VERY SICK. I had horrible migraines, I've mentioned them before, and I couldn't do regular gym class at school. I also had a horrible gym teacher who didn't think my migraines were real and I should just "be able to deal" with 30 echoing basketballs in the gym. Yeah.....not gonna happen, still can't stand that to this day.

After several meetings with my mom, him, and the principal, it was decided that I would find an alternative way to make up gym credits. My neurologist suggested yoga.

I was skeptical, I thought it was all about breathing and chanting. Yes, there is a lot of that, but it depends on what kind of yoga you take. My first teacher was very....gentle. I thought it was sooo easy, and yoga was going to be a literal no sweat way to get my gym credit. However, then my mom decided she didn't want to drive into the city anymore to take me to a class twice a week, and we found something a bit more local. This woman was TOUGH. I loved her. She made me SWEAT. She was a former ballerina, had a pilates background, and also taught japanese sword dancing (whatever that is) and incorporated all of those elements into her class. After two years of diligent classes, I moved away to Southern California for college, and got into BAD HABITS. Since then I've on and off toyed with yoga, but nothing as structured as I used to be.

Now that I have a dog, I go for walks everyday, they'll become much longer as soon as it COOLS DOWN! It's much too hot for this Bay Area girl in the Hampton Roads lol. I'd love to be able to get back into yoga again, maybe that'll be on my list of things to look into once fall comes along.

What To Do?

I haven't blogged in forever and day. I know that. I'd apologize, but I don't think it's all that big a deal. Blogging just hasn't been all that important to me lately. I've been trying to figure out why, and this is what I came up with:

I started this blog when Sailorman and I first got together. We were long distance, we had A LOT of issues, and this blog was my way to work through it.

Now, we're married. We're happy and (for the most part) issue/drama free. My need for a journal is no longer pressing, and I have no idea what to do with this blog anymore.

I like to cook, I love tweaking recipes I find from various places but I ALWAYS FORGET to take pictures. I also have no patience when it comes to stopping what I'm doing and taking a picture. I also don't see this becoming a food blog, way too labor intensive if you ask me.

I just don't know where to take this blog anymore. Suggestions would be welcome lol.

Mrs Y's Birthday Giveaways

This is a giveaway I'm pretty excited for. Why? Because it includes something from Sephora! I LURVE Sephora. My husband calls it my crack store lol. Mrs Y over at Miles Behind Me is giving away a 10 dollar gift card and a 10 dollar credit for her etsy store, Forever Young. Check out both, Mrs Y is a sweet lady who is immensely talented!

Mrs Y's Birthday Giveaways (4)

She's at it again! As I said last post, I know Mrs Y personally and know just how much she LOVES nail polish. So what is she doing for this giveaway? She's put up three nail polishes up to see who wins! If you'd like to enter go here.

Mrs Y's Birthday Giveaways (3)

She's at it again! Mrs Y is hosting a week long birthday hoopla, this time with an adorable little bag and giftcard inside. Head on over and enter here!

Mrs Y's Birthday Giveaway (2)

Well, the sweet Mrs Y is having a whole slew of giveaways! This one is for....dun dun dun....nail polish! I'm lucky enough to know Mrs. Y personally, and know just how much she loves nail polish, as do I. We fairly regularly have pedicure dates, where we joke around just how very Asian we both are for loving pedis so much! You can check her out here!

Mrs Y. over at Miles Behind Me is hosting a birthday giveaway!! As much as I HATE blogging or sharing about giveaways, because I'm greedy and want to win lol, I'm sharing with you because it's looking like it's going to be an amazing collection of stuff, and today is only day one! So head on over there and wish Mrs Y a happy birthday :)

We Must Be Weird

Sailorman and I are both ready for the next deployment. Yeah, you read that right. I love my husband, I love hanging out with my husband, and I love the fact that I get to be with him when he's not at work. That being said.....he's not happy right now at work. His job at the moment isn't what he's trained to do, and that makes for a cranky butt husband.

The annoying thing about this situation is this: it doesn't look like he's gonna deploy anytime soon. Certainly not with his command anyways. So now our situation is becoming a count down until we're through with his current command and checking into his new one. There he will (hopefully) be deploying regularly, frequently, and for shorter amounts of time. It'll be a change, especially considering that in the seven months we've been married we have yet to not see each other for a day.

It feels disloyal to say that I'd like the opportunity to miss my husband. To feel lonely. To realize that life as I know it is good, that being pissed because his socks are EVERYWHERE is something that I'll miss when he's no longer here to do it. I can think that all I want now, but the statement doesn't ring true because as of right now, I'd give anything for the apartment to stay clean for more than an hour without having clothes strewn all over the place.

Deployment isn't a scary word in the Squirrel house, it's a word where we know that we're going to grow as a couple even more than we already have. We know we're going to get closer, stronger, and realize even more how very right the choice to love each other was. There will be bad days, but there are always bad days, no matter what the situation is.

Unfortunately, deployment isn't in the cards for the Squirrel's in 2012. Maybe 2013 will be our year to experience the best parts of deployment again: falling in love, a first kiss, first hug, and the sense of completeness that what was lost is back again.

Things I Love

I really suck at blogging. Probably because the written word isn't my forte. Also, my life is boring. I like it that way. I personally don't think it's in anyway amusing to write about how I take the dog for a walk everyday and what I made for dinner. Let alone people reading it, so I just don't write. I'm barely on facebook anymore, twitter is still for the most part a mystery to me. That being said, there are quite a few products that I absolutely love, and I'm going to do my best (but no promises) to blog about some of my fave things.

1. Kong

Source

I LOVE this thing. It has helped Mickey Finn to not destroy everything in my house, not to mention it keeps him entertained. It's pretty funny to watch him go to town on it, just today I stuck a leftover cheeseburger that I wasn't going to eat into it and it kept him entertained for about an hour. Talk about a miracle worker!

2. Carol's Daughter Chocolat Smoothing Blow Dry Cream

Source

Best investment EVER. Especially in the humid Hampton Roads area that we're stationed in. I'm mixed, so I have thick Asian hair with wiry/curly/frizzy Greek craziness in it. When properly conditioned it's very curly. When straightened and it's humid it gets BIG. I'm talking 80s rock band big. This has made that moot point. My hair stays smooth and sleek when I use this to straighten, or my curls stay put when I decide to put curlers in. Even if I'm just going to be working around the house and my hair is in a pony tail, I use this before blow drying to make sure it's manageable.

3. Carol's Daughter Hair Milk

Source

If you hadn't gotten the memo yet, I love Carol's Daughter products. I've had friends laugh at me because it's marketed towards African American women, and I use it. However, I do a lot of damage to my hair. I heat style, I color the crap out of it, and I pull and twist to get what I want out of my hair. That means I need A LOT of moisture and TLC. "Ethnic" hair care lines do that for me. I also browse the ethnic hair care aisle at Walmart for those one time use deep conditioners to use once a week. Anyways, this stuff is great! I put a quarterish size amount on my hair when wet, let it dry naturally, and it gets my curls to define and not frizz. Bonus points for the fact that it's essentially a deep conditioner so my hair gets nourished as well as pretty!

Well, that's my list of things I love for now. What are some things that you love? Links are more than welcome :)

My Military Child

Since April is the month of the Military Child, I thought it would be fitting to "interview" our baby: Mickey Finn.

As you can see, we don't have a human baby lol. Sailorman and I have both decided that we are in no way ready for kids, and we're more than happy with dealing with our furbaby for now.

And now to amuse you, an interview with Mickey.

Me: So....Hi Mickey Finn

MF: Hi Mama! Are you gonna give me a Beggin Strip now?

Me: no, not yet you have to talk to me first.

MF: but.....Mama I'm adorable.

Me: yes you are sweetie, but first, what do you think of Daddy being in the military?

MF: he's in the military?

Me: mhm

MF: oh. well, I don't like that he goes away all day, because I like snuggling up with him. He also plays with me more, and can throw da ball farther which means I can run more.

Me: I can see how that's hard to deal with, anything else?

MF: I also don't like that Da Man likes guns so much. I get scared of the noise, it's very loud.

Me: I know Mickey, I'm not too fond of it either.

MF: can I have my Kong now?

Me: sure sweetie

MF: YAY!!!!!!!

(insert the jumping up and snatching the Kong here)

Well, there you have it, my Military Child. Thanks for being indulgent and letting me pretend that my dog actually talks to me lol.

The Wife Who Cried Foul

I am sitting here on my couch, staring at my computer screen. Still in disbelief over the sheer vanity and ego that people are capable of. Not to mention the capacity to hold a grudge.

I guess I should start at the beginning. (This is all my point of view, some might not be accurate, but again, I'm not privy to everyone's thoughts. If I was my name would be Professor X.)

Months ago I was invited by a friend into a venting group on FB. Thinking not too much of it I occasionally logged on and checked out the vents. Some made me laugh, others made me wince. I commented occasionally and posted rarely. Nonetheless I did enjoy the group. It by no means was the center of my world (lol) but no big deal either way. Then one day, I wasn't in the group anymore. I didn't know why, so I texted my friend to ask her what the deal was. I joked around saying that perhaps the moderator (we'll call her The Wife or TW for short) hated me or something and kicked me out. Well, my friend (MF for short, I get tired of typing such long words lol) stood up for me in the group, asked why I was kicked out and it turned out to have been a mistake. Whatever, no big I wasn't all that upset by it. MF on the other hand, was. It turned into a big deal between MF and TW. So big that because I was MF's friend, I could no longer be in the group.

My reaction was simply one of shock. I've never been in a position of "if you're friends with so and so then we cannot speak or associate or even sort of know you" period. I messaged TW asking her why I had been kicked out again. She straight up told me it was because I was friends with MF and couldn't be trusted. She also went on to say that if I continued a friendship with MF I wouldn't never have friends in the area, and to choose wisely. At this point I'm just pissed off. Would it be nice to have friends? Sure. Should I sacrifice the person who has been my friend, both on and off the internet, for years for potential friends? Not in my world. In my world I'm friends with someone until they do something that hurts me so badly that I cannot be friends with them anymore. So I went about my merry way and let it go.

Fast forward/rewind. Is that confusing?

Rewind by saying about a year-ish or so I made a twitter account. I'm never on it because I didn't really get twitter and don't have the patience to learn twitter, but it's there.

Fast forward to now when today I decided to get on my twitter account and try and figure it out. I also changed my name and picture on it, because like I've said before, Sailorman is a PERSEC nut. I tooled around and figured out how to do stuff (sort of.) I find MF there and follow her. I also see that she's had some drama regarding TW. It's been MONTHS at this point, so I'm willing to let everything go. I try to follow TW (bad idea) and she blocks me within 30 seconds. I tweet to MF "don't worry about it, haters got to hate" or something like that, which started up a SHIT STORM which has lasted about three hours.

In support of MF, I have now become a target for TW to hit on. She has not stopped, is paranoid that EVERYTHING I write is about her, and makes it a point to respond by twisting my words by making me be the attacker. I'm sorry, but I have ALWAYS been the one who stays out of confrontations. I don't do drama, I don't get in the middle of fights. Compassion and support is not the same as "going to battle" and that's what TW has done. To say that I'm baffled would be an understatement. I'm more than a little stressed out because of this, and I'm really just over the fact that she is a "leader" in the mili community around here because she's just so loud. I suppose this is all on me because I'm the one who said something first, I'm the one who tried to just let stuff go without talking about it first, and I'm the one who responded in defense to her attacks.

If that's the case then I've learned my lesson. I'm as friend-shy as can be after the disaster that was my last strong friendship that went to hell. I'm even more wary of people now. I'll stick to my husband, at least he's the one person who I know won't attack me and twist my words up into something that they're not.

Overwhelmed

I haven't been in the mood to blog. That's not entirely true. I've had amazing blogs plotted in my head just as I'm about to go to sleep. Then I wake up and either have completely forgotten what I was thinking about, or the thoughts are all jumbled and don't make any sense. So....I've just stopped blogging. I should work on that.

All that being said, there's not a lot that's new at the Squirrel house. (Squirrel house, Nut house? har har Which one sounds better?)

Our dog, who is much older than we were first told, a whooping 20 months now, is named Mickey because that was the only thing he respondes to. Mickey has shown remarkable improvement since he's lived with us. However, he's had some relapses. Mainly, eating my shoes. I don't want to talk about it, it's still too painful. My solution has been to crate if no one's home. It used to be he'd go for the shoes if I was in the shower, but lately he's just taken to jumping on the bed and hanging there when I shower. It works for me. Much easier to clean off the comforter than replace shoes constantly.

Now....as for the rest. Sailorman has been progressively getting more and more obsessed with airsofting. If you don't know what that is, LUCKY YOU!!!! In short, it's paintball, but with BBs instead of paintballs. He comes back sweaty, dirty, muddy, and full of welts. It also is costing a small fortune. Sailorman insists that it keeps him out of bars on the weekend, and it'd be cheaper than his bartabs. At this rate I'm doubting that. I feel so frustrated at the fact that it drains so much money! Part of me said "well it's his paycheck" but then another part gives myself a lecture saying that it's my money too, and I deserve to get stuff but don't because I'm very conscious of how much is in the bank.

We're not in the poorhouse by any means, when it comes to the house I'm very budget conscious. Our money issues don't come from me. I'm just frustrated because my husband sees there's money in the bank account and figures that means he can go to town "just because." I've never lived this way, and I don't really like it. I just don't know how to approach him on this, because his dad's side treats him like a five year old who doesn't know how to manage his money (sometimes I really do wonder where they got this idea....sigh) and gets incredibly pissed off whenever the word budgeting comes up.

Not to mention all the types of problems that have arisen from the flood and how crappy the apartment office has handled all of this. I don't want to deal with them anymore, and I'm just not sure I can rely on Sailorman to handle what needs to be handled. I think the thing that I hate the most about my life right now is that I feel like I'm functioning as a single when I'm part of a team. Please don't give me any crap about how that's what military wives do. It's not a question of not being capable to handle it all.

It's a reasoning of why should I HAVE to handle it all when my husband is HERE. If he was away at school, away at a training, away on deployment, I'd suck it up, deal with the office and figure out what to do with the stress. Here's the thing though: I'm not alone. My husband is here, he goes to work, and comes home by 4:30ish everyday that he doesn't have duty or watch. He should help me, not expect me to do it all. Just because I'm the stay at home spouse shouldn't mean that I'm the one who handles this by myself.

I'm tired, and I need a break.

POP POP POP

Last night something happened. It was late at night, Sailorman and I were in bed. I had finally gotten tired after staying up until about midnight reading my book (it was good ok?) and my beloved had fallen into a deep snoring sleep around 10ish.

Around 2am we were awoken to a pop pop pop. At first I didn't think too much of it, it registered and I was ready to go back to sleep after the first pop. Sailorman on the other hand.......slid off the bed, practically wedged himself under the frame all the while yelling "BABE, GET DOWN!" over and over and over again.

(I should also mention Mickey, our dog, sleeps right under the windows in our room, on my side of the bed. He jumped and ran over to crouch with Sailorman as soon as the pops started too.) (I should also mention that I didn't move. At all. This is why I will never survive the zombie attack.)

Sailorman after waiting a few minutes went to check the windows, finally came back to bed and proceeded to spoon me so tightly that I started to feel like a security blanket. This continued for about five minutes then he rolled over and went back to sleep.

It's hard to remember sometimes that my husband has been in a warzone. He's had rockets launched at him, and being woken up to "pop pop pop" is definitely going to bring back flashes.

It's not a funny situation, and yet it makes me smile. I'm glad that my sweetheart has the reflexes to protect himself, and I'm beyond touched that his first thought (though not reaction) was my safety. Even if I didn't move an inch and was barely awake for the whole ordeal.

The Day the Flood Came

So guess who had a craptastic couple of days? This girl!!

We were on leave in CA when Sunday I got a call telling me that a pipe had sprung a leak and our entire apartment was soaked. To say that put a damper on the rest of the last few days of our trip would be an understatement. Tuesday night, well actually Wednesday morning since we didn't get home until about 1 am, we walked into our apartment and was punched in the nostrils by the smell of wet cats. Everything on the floor was SOAKED, the ceiling was on the floor, and they had ripped up the carpet and stuck fans under it to dry everything out. Mind you these fans had been going for two days by this point and everything was still pretty damp. Luckily the majority of our stuff hasn't been ruined, our electronics still work, which in my opinion is a miracle considering the fact that water was literally pouring out of our bathroom in a torrent. Our former next door neighbor was the one to the make the call into maintenance, and I'm going to be forever grateful to him  for mentioning our apartment along with his own leak.

Now we're in the process of switching apartments and to say that this whole thing is becoming a giant stresser would be an understatement. Have I mentioned how much I hate moving? Because I really do. Moving SUCKS. Especially when you're running on little to no sleep. Tuesday night we ended up sleeping on the floor/couch of a friend's house because the smell in our other apartment was so bad. Wednesday Sailorman, said friend, and the Ys from Miles Behind Me came over and helped, A LOT. Thank you Mrs Y! You both seriously rock for dropping what you were doing and helping us pack/load unload.

Unfortunately, they decided to move our kitchen, living room, and bathroom stuff Wednesday. That meant the ONE THING that I had specifically asked Sailorman to move, our bed, was not moved. That meant we slept in the living room on the mattress in the dampish (we finally got the bright idea to open windows) apartment. It sucked. I'm still not running on all cylinders, I've had a wicked migraine since yesterday, and there's still more odds and ends to pack up today. Not a ton of stuff left, but enough to make me all the more lazy and want to burrow into my bed. Even if I was able to get out of the packing.....there's always the UNPACKING that I'd be in charge of.

Have I mentioned I hate moving?

DIY

Thanks for the comments on my last post, it means more than I could say. Tomorrow is Daphne's funeral in CA, and obviously I can't go. What makes it a bit harder is the fact that I'm going home later this week......days after her funeral. 

On to other stuff that's been going on in the Squirrel household, I've been on a make my own laundry stuff kick. It started last month when we were getting low on funds. In no way were we broke, but we have a limit where we panic, and we were getting really close to it. I then realized that due to the fact that Sailorman goes through A LOT of laundry, we go through a lot of laundry soap. Laundry stuff was taking up a lot of money, and I remembered a post I read on Chambanachik where she made her own laundry soap. For the amount of money the ingredients cost, I figured the worse that was to happen was I "wasted" seven bucks and at best I'd saved a ton of money. Turns out, not only is it cheap, homemade laundry soap is AMAZING! Another tip that I found since I was on a DIY kick was homemade oxyclean :) you just mix 1/2 cup of baking soda and 1/2 cup of hydrogen peroxide. Both are cheap ingredients, and compared to the 7-10 dollars I was spending per tub.....well, you can just imagine the savings!

Next on my DIY list, homemade fabric softener! 

It Should've Been Me

I write this with a heavy heart. I've been mulling this over in my head, I don't know what else to do but write. My friend died Saturday. She was a good, sweet, and kind person who didn't deserve to die at 23.
Her name was Daphne, and she was diagnosed with a brain tumor three and half years ago. Before that, she had nothing wrong with her. She was an athlete, an amazing gymnast. We were in high school together, and she never failed to ask me how I was feeling, she always made me feel included, she was definitely one of the nicest people I've ever met.

In high school I was the "sick one." I was rarely if ever included in anything because the chances of me: a) being able to go weren't very good b) getting sick midway through and needing to go home and c) being sick and trying to push through it and putting a damper on the activity just made it impossible. Daphne always invited me, even when she knew the answer was no.

If someone had asked ANYONE in 5 years ago who would be suffering from a brain tumor that was inoperable, one that despite aggressive treatments spread not only to other parts of the brain but also the spine. It would've been me.

Her parents, who were my teachers in high school will probably never see this, hopefully no one from high school will ever see this. It's a strange form of survivor's guilt that has been mulling over in my head lately.
I don't know how else to say it. I feel guilt that I'm happy, I'm healthy (finally), and I have an amazing life with an amazing husband.

I think that there is always going to be a part of me that thinks "it should've been me." But, until the day that God decides it's my time, I'm going to live life to the fullest, realizing just how lucky I am.

An Addition to the Family!

I wonder who even reads my posts anymore.....my sporadic posting has dwindled down to practically non existent. So what's been going on with me?

I guess the major new thing is we got a dog.

His name is Mickey and he's a total sweetheart (most of the time)

So there's that. He's a handful, and I'm definitely adjusting to having a big dog instead of a tiny one. That being said, he certainly thinks he's a lap dog who fits in teeny spaces he has no business squeezing into. He's also really funny, does silly things and keeps me company when Sailorman is away at work. Despite the fact that he was a surprise (we rescued him) I'm glad he's now in our lives. 

I say that we rescued him because in my mind we did. He wasn't a shelter dog, or a pound dog. We got him through one of Sailorman's buddies in the shop. Mickey is 18 months old give or take, and was being trained as a hunting dog. No matter what the original owner did, nothing helped with the training to be a hunting dog. So, the original owner called up Justin, Sailorman's shop buddy, to help him out with training. Justin had him for a week and couldn't do a thing with him. His original owner then said that he was going to shoot him, because he was "useless." Justin isn't a mean man, and wanted to find a good home for him, even if he sucks as a hunting dog. That led to bringing him to work one day and asking Sailorman if he wanted a dog for me to have a "companion." 

That meant I got a phone call at 7:30 in the morning asking if I wanted a dog, and about an hour later having two Sailors and a dog in my house. To say that was interesting would be an understatement. Mickey is a sweetie, albeit timid. Not to mention the fact that Mickey is a total princess who gets scared by loud noises......opposite of a hunting dog if you ask me. He also hates guns, ducks and covers if you toss clothes over his head to get in the hamper (thanks Honey for discovering that one for us on his second night) and freaks out if I bang tongs against a pan too loudly. But he's our dog, and we're working on letting him get more secure in his position in our home. Two weeks in, and he's adjusted well. He still startles easy, but now it's more of a sheepish flinch instead of a cower.

I'm glad we got a dog, even if it is a bit faster on the timetable than I was looking at. Sometimes it is the surprises in life that are the sweetest. I'm glad that this was one of those times. 

Might As Well Jump On: Milspouse Quiz

How did you and your spouse meet?

We met online when I was still living in SoCal and he was stationed in San Diego. We finally met in person about a year later when he was about to move to VA. 

How old were you when you two met?

We were both 21

How long have you been together?

Officially two years together in Oct. Married a little over three months. 

Where are you and your spouse originally from?

I'm from San Francisco, CA and he's from Kansas City, MO

How did you feel about him joining the military?

It wasn't my choice either time lol. He joined when he was 18 and reenlisted last Dec. I do think that he's very happy with his job, which makes me happy. 

Where did your spouse go to Basic Training?

Great Lakes, IL 

Has your spouse ever been deployed?

Yup. He just got back from a seven month deployment in Iraq in Sept. 

Ever been to his promotion ceremony?

Nope. He had just been promoted before we met, and unfortunately didn't make it this last time. Fingers crossed for the next round though! 

How long have you been a military wife?

A little over three months. 

Did you marry him before or after he joined?

After.

How did your husband propose?

*sigh* He's proposed twice: the first time he took me to a beautiful restaurant in KC and asked me if I "wanted to upgrade" my promise ring. Looking back it's funny and semi cute, but at the time I thought that was the stupidest way to propose ever. 

The second time was two days before we were going to get married, we had gone through a lot during his deployment, including almost breaking up. We had been talking about it, he had tears in his eyes and said "Baby, I love you more than anything, during my deployment I got a glimpse of life without you and I never want to experience that again. Will you please marry me?" To say that was perfect would have been an understatement. 

Where did you get married?

Virginia Beach, VA

How old were you two when you got married?

We were both 23

Did he wear his uniform on your wedding day?

Nope. I felt it was important for him not to. I didn't want our wedding to be "NAVY!" if that makes sense. I wanted it to be about us, our marriage. Not the military. 

Where are you and your spouse currently stationed?

Joint Expeditionary Base Little Creek-Fort Story

Do you live on base?

Nope.

How long were you married when you had to go through your first separation?

We haven't yet actually. It'll be interesting to see how we both handle a "real" separation, not just a duty day. 

What is your favorite base so far?

*shrug* I liked Coronado in SD, Little Creek isn't bad....I'm fond of the commissary there, it's waaay less busy than the other ones nearby!

Does your spouse look good in his uniform?

I think he looks yummy in his cammies, but I personally don't like his blues. I can feel the death stares right now (haha) but I just don't find them all that attractive, on anyone. 

Do you think military life is more advanced than civilian life?

Advanced? I think a lot of people are confused by this question lol. I think that things in the military run a lot faster, you get to know people faster, you get married faster, have kids faster....in some cases divorce faster. Is that a good thing? I think it depends on the person. I know that I'm surprisingly happier with the military life. 

Do you like the benefits you receive as a military dependent?

Oh yes. I feel really blessed that we have access to the commissary and exchange. I don't buy a lot at the exchange, but knowing it's there is nice. 

Do you have a lot of military wife friends?

I don't have too many friends in general, but in Virginia I mainly only know military wives. 

What is the hardest part of being a military wife?

Not really knowing too much about my husband's job, or even being allowed in the compound. Being married to a secret squirrel means a lot of trust and realizing that you can't know everything. I know that Sailorman tells me as much as he can, and I have to be cool with that. Another part is that we're so far away from both sides of our family....that means it's EXPENSIVE to visit!

Do you own any military wife stuff?

Not really. I have a uniform bag my mom made me, I've taken to using his old command hoodie, and I've stolen Sailorman's Navy sweats that he got issued in Basic. Other than that I don't own anything else. So, technically I don't own anything.....it's all his stuff that I've kind of taken over. 

Do you support your spouse as a member of the military?

Of course I do! I know that this is the life he's dreamed of since the 7th grade, and if he's happy then I'm happy. 

Pillow Talk: Braveheart Edition

My mom got Sailorman Braveheart on BluRay for Christmas. To say he was happy would be an understatement. He watched Braveheart a million times while in Iraq, and has rated it his "all time favorite movie ever."

We sit down to watch the movie, and it gets to the part where his wife gets killed, and William Wallace goes all gangster on their English butts.

Sailorman: You know honey, I don't think that there are enough pointy objects in the house to get the job done if something like that were to ever happen to you.

Me: .......ummm *long pause* awww that's the sweetest, creepiest thing that anyone has ever said to me. I love you too babes.

Sailorman: .....you're a butt you know that right?