It Should've Been Me

I write this with a heavy heart. I've been mulling this over in my head, I don't know what else to do but write. My friend died Saturday. She was a good, sweet, and kind person who didn't deserve to die at 23.
Her name was Daphne, and she was diagnosed with a brain tumor three and half years ago. Before that, she had nothing wrong with her. She was an athlete, an amazing gymnast. We were in high school together, and she never failed to ask me how I was feeling, she always made me feel included, she was definitely one of the nicest people I've ever met.

In high school I was the "sick one." I was rarely if ever included in anything because the chances of me: a) being able to go weren't very good b) getting sick midway through and needing to go home and c) being sick and trying to push through it and putting a damper on the activity just made it impossible. Daphne always invited me, even when she knew the answer was no.

If someone had asked ANYONE in 5 years ago who would be suffering from a brain tumor that was inoperable, one that despite aggressive treatments spread not only to other parts of the brain but also the spine. It would've been me.

Her parents, who were my teachers in high school will probably never see this, hopefully no one from high school will ever see this. It's a strange form of survivor's guilt that has been mulling over in my head lately.
I don't know how else to say it. I feel guilt that I'm happy, I'm healthy (finally), and I have an amazing life with an amazing husband.

I think that there is always going to be a part of me that thinks "it should've been me." But, until the day that God decides it's my time, I'm going to live life to the fullest, realizing just how lucky I am.