We're Engaged! (Edited Repost)

So much has happened since before I left CA! So let's recap.

Flew from San Francisco into Chicago, where I would be getting my connecting flight to Norfolk. I was seriously worried about Chicago, I remember last year there was so much snow on the group it looked like blankets! This year however, I had a clean runway with no snow at all! Not even a cloud in the sky. Because of this, I was able to get there 1/2 an hr earlier than scheduled. How awesome is that?

The awesomeness however, was dampened a little when upon my arrival at the "beautiful" Midway airport I checked the departure wall. My flight to Norfolk has been delayed. Grrrreat. Oh well, I'm bummed, but I'll deal. I go up to the counter to see if maybe something has changed, I'm told that the flight may or may not be on time, right now it's just a guessing game. Yay that the flight gods decided to take pity on me this trip, because it turned out that my flight was on time right on the nose! Whoo hoo!

Getting there: Sailorman was waiting right past the security checkpoint for me! Awww! That first hug and kiss was pretty damn awesome, not going to lie. We pretty much were hugging and kissing the entire time, which was amusing to both of us, especially since there was a kid right behind us that kept looking at his mom every time we kissed and asking if that was ok. My bags were all there, just one of the last to get off. By this time, I really wasn't caring, I was finally back with Sailorman after 5 freaking months apart!

We drive to his "new" apartment. In reality he moved in there sometime in October, but obviously I hadn't seen it yet. It looked good.....very......manish haha. He has all his guns out in the living room.....man oh man does he have a lot of guns! We spent a lot of time together for around three days. Running errands, we bought a new mattress. It's really comfy! It's nice that it's OURS.

Then, we started on our trip out to Kansas City, MO. We decided to drive, pretty much so we wouldn't have to be at the mercy of his mom to get anywhere again. Last year was pretty torturous not having the freedoms that we're both used to when it comes to coming and going as we please. Sailorman was kind of a butt and didn't let me drive any of it, but whatever.

The 21st we had an us day. It was pretty amazing. We went to go see Tangled, which is without a doubt one of the cutest movies I've seen in a really really long time. Then went to the mall for a little bit, and then rushed home to get ready because he was taking me out to really fancy dinner that night. We went to Skies, which is a revolving restaurant on top of a Hyatt in downtown Kansas City. We had a lovely meal, and right before dessert, he asked if he could see my ring. If you recall, it's this one.

 He then fumbled a little, which I thought was adorable, and pulled this one out!

 And asked if I would like an upgrade, and would I marry him :D. Of course, I said yes!!!! So now we're engaged, and he's enjoying the "showing" of the ring more than I to tell the truth. Right now, I think I'm still in the processing stages, I haven't gotten to full blown excited that I'm getting married. I hope it happens soon, because I know that Sailorman is more than a little disappointed that I'm not giddy with joy. But it'll happen...soon....ish. Am I the only one who feels/felt like this when the big question came up? I'd love to hear imput!

No Man's Land

Couple of different thoughts running around in my head right now. The the biggest one is that is about 11 hours from now I'm boarding a plane for Norfolk, VA! Yay! Finally, after almost 5 months of torture and waiting, I'll get to see that big dork again. For those of you like me who are obsessed with The Big Bang Theory in the words of Sheldon, "I'm colon capital d" haha!

This image makes me happy!

Another thing that I've been thinking about.....just how supportive do you ladies find facebook groups to be? No offense to anyone, but they seem to be a) major bitch fests, and b) full of high school girls with high school drama. Not to say that I'm not full of drama myself, but I do my best not to start it on a facebook group. I also do my best to keep the spillover to either my close friends, Sailorman, or my blog. Rarely do put all my relationship drama out for the facebook world to see. And the stuff I do post isn't really something that could start drama. I guess because (as of now) I am "just a girlfriend" and if by the end of this trip  I am a fiancee, I still won't feel "in the club" so to speak. I refuse to join a group that says wives in it on principle. I don't want to be one of those gfs, osr fiancees, that join every group imaginable, including the ones that were clearly made for wives to get together and support one another. To me, there is a major difference, and I respect that. So another question.....where do I go for support?

Raw Thoughts

I'm trying to do start anew. It's hard to let go of the past....the hurts, and little slights. It's easier to forgive than it is to forget. Something I truly do worry that I don't forget enough. I remember the tiniest details of things that would be far better laid to rest. Those details eat away at me. So many times I wish I could do it over, say it different. Maybe not let myself be that situation again.

This business of Sailorman buying a ring, the prospect of him asking the Big Question has be bring out all the slights of the past 14 months we've been dating. The good, the bad, and the ugly are all coming out to play. A lot of the bad and the ugly are on this blog. I doubt you've noticed, but I have deleted a few of the more raw posts. Why? It was my way, at the time, of saying let bygones be bygones. If only I could delete the memories from my head.

We've (he's) caused a lot of heartache. We've (he's) also caused a lot of joy. I won't say from the moment I met him I knew that I wanted to marry him, because that's not true. The way we started was (for me) supposed to be a casual get together. I didn't want serious. He didn't want serious. Somehow, when we became official, we were serious. We've been discussing marriage since day 10. Now that we're at the brink, I'm the one getting cold feet.

I've always been the rock in this relationship. He was the one (his words) who had his head up his ass for a good chunk of time. I was the one who was there, patiently waiting.....loyal to a fault. I don't know if I like that description to be completely honest. The more sure he gets, the more doubts I get. Once again, I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He seems so incredibly sure that this is what he wants. I thought I did too, but....  It's hard to describe the emotions and thoughts that are coursing through my brain, making sleep next to impossible. Maybe trying to bleed some of this out here will help me sleep. Let's hope so.

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The Guessing Game

As I'm sure you're tired of reading by now, I HATE surprises. Mostly because I'm a *wee bit* of a control freak and like knowing everything I possibly can about a situation ie: presents. Sailorman on the other hand, LOVES to surprise me. Why? Because he knows I hate it. That's pretty much the sole reason that he loves it ever so much. So what has he been doing for pretty much the last month?

Diamond teasing me.

If you're not us, and well, of course you're not, let me explain. It started back in September when I was diagnosed with my pseudo-tumor and pretty much lost my appetite that Sailorman started food teasing me. He would describe the food he was eating, in detail, occasionally complete with pictures. All of food that I loved, and while my taste buds thought, wow that sounds really good, my brain was just all meh. It got annoying, and the most of a fuss I made the more he did it. Typical. You can't see me but I'm smiling and rolling my eyes right now.

Anyways, Sailorman has gotten to the point of teasing me about anything. Now that the Christmas season is upon, a time of love, and joy, and peace......and presents. He's been teasing me non-stop.

Weird part is, it's not about my Christmas present(s) instead, it's about.....dun dun DUN! The Ring. Hence, the diamond teasing. The dude just goes on and on and on about how awesome his plan is, and how it's going to be perfect, and the Ring is amazing. He seriously doesn't shut up about it. On one hand, it's incredibly sweet. He's apparently been planning this for 5 months now. On the other, well, he's getting on my nerves with the hints and the teasing. Either shut up or show me pictures! Lol

It also doesn't help that it feels that everyone in the kingdom has seen the bloody ring but me. Wow that came out very British didn't it? Way too much BBC late at night does take a toll on you I guess :). On a really happy note, and for the most part this has been a very happy tongue-in-cheek post, I get to see Sailorman in 7 days! Whoot!

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The Aftermath

So, I had my tantrum. I sulked the night away, and had two other pretty much sleepless nights just for some extra icing to this not so fun mess of a cake. The bitchfest got bigger when my frienemy PMS came into town and brought her buddies Moody, Irrational, and Teary as well. Sigh. Being a girl is so much fun! Sailorman did his best to comfort me, but a guy can only take so might right? We had words, luckily I was rational enough to apologize because it turned into an all out brawl. Now we're back to ourselves, and we'll be riding this not so fun time out. I'm lucky that for the most part Sailorman takes all my girly-ness in stride, and rolls with the punches. I'm rather rational for the most part, so the times when I'm not, well, there's a REALLY good excuse. Now I'm gonna go indulge in a hot bath, a trashy book, and maybe some chocolate cake to let me get some sleep.

Just *headdesk* alksnlkn w;tlanskmdn;jk asnkdfvljkndfsgi!

Yeah. today's....tonight's post is going to be a downer. Why? Because today I'm upset at the stupid command for not letting Sailorman know his training schedules sooner. If he wasn't part of the support team I'm pretty sure that he would have known all this stupid stuff already. But since he is, he gets to know nothing, and then training stuff gets sprung a few weeks before. Usually, I just roll with it, but today, I had to change my flight back home. To make it worse, it's going to be bumped back by 10 days. This just blows. I'm mad, I'm frustrated. And pretty much just bummed.

For all the bitching and moaning that I do on this blog, in real life, I'm an incredibly upbeat person who doesn't let the small stuff get to me. (Probably the reason why I go on and on and on about the small stuff on this blog.) So I should revise that last statement and say that I don't let others see the small stuff getting to me. Usually, the stupid stuff that Navy throws at us I just roll with, say no big, and continue.

This time.....it's different. By having to leave 10 days earlier for Sailorman to go to this, in his opinion, pointless exercise, it brings his deployment date even closer. I don't want the reality of him leaving to hit me just yet. Though, it seems like today is the day that that bubble had to burst. I wanted to get through the holidays, and then have the freakout. I didn't want to freak before seeing him, and now it seems that I'm going to have to freakout at home, where I don't have the comfort of him well, comforting me. Getting comforted over the phone really isn't the same if you ask me.

Once I get all of this out of my system, I'll be strong. I'll deal. I'll be the homefront rock and all the jazz. Tonight, I'm breaking down. Tonight, I'm deciding that it's ok to be weak. Tonight, well tonight is the night that I'm probably not going to sleep. I'll go to class hollow eyed, come home and crash. What else is there that I can do? This is happening whether I want it to or not.