It's funny

How I don't feel like blogging at all when things are going good. Almost like I'm really afraid that I'm going to jinx it by saying yay! Ooops I hope that this isn't like saying "good luck" before a performance. I love my boyfriend, and I'm happy that we're finally getting back to a good place. I'm happy that we (he) finally figured out what we (he) wants out of this relationship, and I want this to work out so much that I'm afraid. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is no way to live. I just hope and pray that I can get the strength to accept that good things can again happen in this relationship.

He's Gone

And I haven't cried. Not really anyways. I caught up on Army Wives, and this week's episode did make me tear up a little. However, those tears really didn't feel like they were for my Sailor. They were just sympathy tears for fictional characters lol. As wrong as it might sound, I'm actually really happy that I haven't cried at all. To say it feels good would be an understatement. My last trip out, when I got home, I cried for two days. The trip before that, I shed a few tears right before I landed home, and the trips before were little commuter flights from San Diego to SF. I also didn't think that I was going to see him again after those two trips down, so I didn't think that I could justify tears to myself. I know it might not seem like it, but I'm really not that much of an emotional person. At least, I'm not emotional as in I cry a lot. I explain my emotions a little too well, I'm in tune with my emotions a little too well if you want to put a fine point on it, but I'm not one who cries over the little things. What I'm trying to say in a very long way is that me not crying over the fact that he's gone is good. It means that I feel good about how we ended stuff. We've talked an insane amount this trip out. I think that he's really gotten to know me a lot better, and I really do feel that he's starting to understand me, and love all of me. He says that he feels this trip he fell in love with me all over again. I hope that that's true. It would be awesome if this honeymoon feeling could last always. I know that it won't. We'll change, we'll grow, and we're going to have to be able to move with that. I really do hope and pray that we can, and not fall back on old habits. I'm starting to feel my hope grow again when it comes to the future. That's enough to make me smile right now.

Happy to have my reality back

It's been more than a little interesting having the boyfriend finally be here. On numerous levels it's been amazing. He's been attentive, caring, considerate, loving.....on the other hand, he's also been a brat, obnoxious, annoying, and a huge pain in the ass. Lol those are just all the things I love about him, and for the most part it's stuff that I enjoy about him. He makes me happy. For all this annoying goofy ways that boy can make me smile and squeal like no other on earth.

Yesterday we drove to Davis to visit with my BFF. They actually got on well, something that I was a little (haha a little, ok a lot) worried about. They both said that they liked each other, and she told me when he went for a smoke break that she's never seen me this happy in the 5+ years she's known me :D (that was my cheesy smile that I think has been permanently attached to my face since Tuesday) it's been awesome. Right now we're just chillin in my room. Ahh Real Monsters! is on, we're both on our laptops, me on my bed and him on my comfy oversized chair/couch thingy. He's on his Farm (big surprise) but....well it's different when he's actually with me.....his presence is enough.

Tomorrow I'm taking him to church.....won't that be interesting? It's probably wrong, but I really really have wanted to do this for months now! The sailor at church :) that was a semi evil grin btw.

Whatever it was that was weird between us last trip hasn't popped up. I'm praying that it doesn't happen again, because 3 months of living with that shit was more than enough! I'm just happy to have the amazing man I fell in love with back and hope he's here to stay!

He's HERE!

And it's awesome :D I love that dork!

I Can't Sleep

and it's driving me crazy!

The past few weeks my sleep schedule has been completely thrown off and I have absolutely no idea why. I can't sleep during the night. For some reason, night comes, I want to sleep, and yet......I don't. Annoying as hell! I've been trying to sleep for the last 3 hours....and look where that's gotten me, on blogger complaining to the internet void that I can't sleep. Sigh. Maybe it's nerves.....maybe it's PMS. Maybe it's that I really just want to fall asleep with him next to me again. It's weird how much I miss sleeping next to him. Funny, especially seeing as how that was never my favorite part about my exes. I kind of hated sleeping over, though I kind of had to seeing as how they all lived kind of far from me. Never got comfortable sleeping next to someone until the Sailor came along. Now it's really hard for me to sleep without him a few weeks before and a few weeks after a trip to see him. On the bright side, I only have to wait 3 more days until I'm in his arms. Let's just hope that my lovely visitor from Mother Nature won't still be around by Tuesday. Why is it that I seem to get my period whenever I'm going to see him? Talk about inconvenient!