Due to OPSEC, obviously I can't go into specifics. However, let's just say that this evening when I had my nightly phone call with the Sailor, he told me that there's a definitely possibility that he's going to be leaving a month earlier, to a different, more hostile country, and with a totally different team. GREAT. This is the country that he was going to be going to originally, then he wasn't, and now he might be again. Please Navy, can you just make up your mind? Being boots on the ground is scary enough without having to worry about him literally being in the belly of the beast. Now I get a whole new set of "what ifs" to worry about. Of course, with the Navy, there's always just the possibility that he's going to be going to on the second original deployment instead of this new third option.
We won't know for a few more weeks probably. It's one of those "you'll know when I know babe" situations. Those suck big time. While I'm hoping he doesn't get the third option, I'm much preferring option two at the moment, he's definitely hoping for option three. I get why......but why oh why does he want to go into the danger zone? Can't he just be happy being bored out of his mind and watching The OC dvds in his tent? I know, that's asking too much, he has a job that's he's trained to do, he's going to be with some of the biggest baddest that our fine Navy has to offer. He'll be fine. Yet, I know that I won't be able to stop worrying until he's safe in my arms. Why is it that the Navy loves to put us through so much uncertainty?
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Day 12: The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
This is is tough. Really it's a toss up between so many people who have caused me pain.
Where on earth to start?
I guess I could start with my dad, but it's a pretty tangled web. He wasn't necessarily a bad dad when they first divorced. He and my grandmother moved to into a house that was 2 blocks away from my school, and my grandmother still took care of me after school, so I saw a lot of my dad then. He would take me on trips, try and talk to me, which was probably difficult because his grasp of english is tenuous at best. Then....my mom decided to remarry. As she puts it, she was blinded to his faults because she was....well....horny. This man was in no way a good man at all. When my mom told my dad that she was going to remarry, he took it as a hint to stop his involvement in our lives.
Actually.....that was exactly what He Who Shall Not Be Named wanted. He was insanely jealous of my dad, and hated me because of the fact that I was proof that my mom had been married to someone else. I remember overhearing him telling my mom that he couldn't wait until I was older so I could just run away. That way he could have her all to himself. I still to this day don't understand how she could've stayed with him after a declaration like that.
My mom stayed married to him for a year. That year was pure hell for me. Everything about me was crushed, suppressed, and I was forced to stay in my room a lot. I felt like an unwanted guest in my own home. I slept over at my best friend's house a lot. I think that they saved me in more ways than I can imagine. Finally my mom got up the courage to kick him out, and we've been a family of two ever since.
During all of this time, I was constantly picked on. I was....different. I wasn't tall, I wasn't slender, I wasn't bubbly. How on earth could I have been expected to be bubbly considering my home life? I was bookish, I attached myself to teachers, so the label of teacher's pet followed me around until the 8th grade. To say that I had low self-esteem would be an understatement. I tried to hid my insecurities with a prickly manner, I was cruel with my words, and lost my temper often. I was a total tattletale, and invoked "the teacher" at every opportunity I could. To say that I was unhappy.....well I think you can see that ages 7-14 pretty much just sucked.
During high school I started really working on myself. Therapy really helped me a lot. I worked towards forgiving my dad (yeah still working on that one) did my best to give myself the confidence that I was beautiful and worth it. I did my best not to lose my temper anymore, not to be cruel to others. I think that now I've been able to do the majority of the heavy work when it comes to working out my childhood issues. Sometimes it'll all come crashing back at me, and I just need to take a step back, breathe, and remind myself that I am beautiful, I am deserving of love, and I have so much to be grateful for. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason, and my hard earned self esteem is something I am very proud of. I really do wish that I didn't have to go through so much drama and heartache to get there, but.....then I wouldn't be the me I am now would I?
Where on earth to start?
I guess I could start with my dad, but it's a pretty tangled web. He wasn't necessarily a bad dad when they first divorced. He and my grandmother moved to into a house that was 2 blocks away from my school, and my grandmother still took care of me after school, so I saw a lot of my dad then. He would take me on trips, try and talk to me, which was probably difficult because his grasp of english is tenuous at best. Then....my mom decided to remarry. As she puts it, she was blinded to his faults because she was....well....horny. This man was in no way a good man at all. When my mom told my dad that she was going to remarry, he took it as a hint to stop his involvement in our lives.
Actually.....that was exactly what He Who Shall Not Be Named wanted. He was insanely jealous of my dad, and hated me because of the fact that I was proof that my mom had been married to someone else. I remember overhearing him telling my mom that he couldn't wait until I was older so I could just run away. That way he could have her all to himself. I still to this day don't understand how she could've stayed with him after a declaration like that.
My mom stayed married to him for a year. That year was pure hell for me. Everything about me was crushed, suppressed, and I was forced to stay in my room a lot. I felt like an unwanted guest in my own home. I slept over at my best friend's house a lot. I think that they saved me in more ways than I can imagine. Finally my mom got up the courage to kick him out, and we've been a family of two ever since.
During all of this time, I was constantly picked on. I was....different. I wasn't tall, I wasn't slender, I wasn't bubbly. How on earth could I have been expected to be bubbly considering my home life? I was bookish, I attached myself to teachers, so the label of teacher's pet followed me around until the 8th grade. To say that I had low self-esteem would be an understatement. I tried to hid my insecurities with a prickly manner, I was cruel with my words, and lost my temper often. I was a total tattletale, and invoked "the teacher" at every opportunity I could. To say that I was unhappy.....well I think you can see that ages 7-14 pretty much just sucked.
During high school I started really working on myself. Therapy really helped me a lot. I worked towards forgiving my dad (yeah still working on that one) did my best to give myself the confidence that I was beautiful and worth it. I did my best not to lose my temper anymore, not to be cruel to others. I think that now I've been able to do the majority of the heavy work when it comes to working out my childhood issues. Sometimes it'll all come crashing back at me, and I just need to take a step back, breathe, and remind myself that I am beautiful, I am deserving of love, and I have so much to be grateful for. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason, and my hard earned self esteem is something I am very proud of. I really do wish that I didn't have to go through so much drama and heartache to get there, but.....then I wouldn't be the me I am now would I?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Day 11: A deceased person you wish you could talk to
So many people!
I'd love to ask Freud what his problem with his mom was. I'd love to ask Van Gogh why on earth he felt the need to chop his ear off. I'd love to ask Beethoven how he could hear music when he was deaf. (I'm not too sure how I would ask him that....with him being deaf and all. I guess we could have a chat convo instead!) I'd love to ask Mother Theresa if she really was THAT good all the time. I'd like to ask Ellen White if this really was her vision on the Adventist church.....and whether or not eating meat is THAT big of a deal.
I think that I'd like to ask military wives and sweethearts from WWI and WWII how on earth they did it, what was their secret to surviving in an age where computers and satphones didn't exist. How they were able to survive on letters that may or may not come.
Day 10: Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like
This would probably be......hmmm. It's hard to say. Most of the people that I don't talk to are in that group for a reason. I think that there are conversations I'd love to have with people about why we don't talk anymore, but not as a way to open ourselves up for more communication. Instead, I think it would be more about a closure thing. A way to get it all out on the table, and then not have that lingering over anymore. An official notification of a breakup if you will. There are quite a few 'friends' that I have, mainly on facebook, that I don't speak to anymore. Nor do I think that attempting to speak to them would be welcome. They're just there, occasionally someone will comment on something the other has done, but it's all.....shallow. Meaningless. We don't have anything in common anymore. Sad, but true. There are times when you just outgrow the people you used to be close to. I guess the roundabout way of saying this is: I don't think that there's anyone in the list of people I know that I wish I did talk to more than I do, if I don't talk to them, it's for a good reason. Why bring more drama into my life?
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Day 9: Someone you wish you could meet
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Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Pride.....and funny....
How much I'm actually liking the meme thing! Some of these are hard to come up for stuff.....but for the most part I'm actually liking being given a subject to write about. It helps me not look at the negative so much. Though I am just posting multiples a day......pretty much because either I've forgotten the day before, I know I won't be able to the next day.....or I'm feeling like writing and I wanted to. I think I'm just gonna hunt up memes to do until I can come up with other things to blog about.
The Sailor has been so amazing lately. Is it wrong that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop? Yeah it probably is.....but I'm liking the "fairy tale" that we've been working at. The one thing that I never fully grasped was how much work a relationship takes. The only way for a healthy relationship to work is for both parties to work towards the same goal. I think that we're finally on the same page here, and we're working for the same goal. While, yeah, we've had disagreements, our communication has improved 1000% yay!!!!! I am so proud of us! That we've been able to keep up our communication, to process what the other is saying, and actually get it! (yeah that last part was mostly him being able to get what I'm trying to communicate, and actually understanding it.) I'm happy for us. We've made it past the halfway mark, and we've got a little more than 8 weeks left until I'm boarding that plane to get me to Norfolk!
The Sailor has been so amazing lately. Is it wrong that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop? Yeah it probably is.....but I'm liking the "fairy tale" that we've been working at. The one thing that I never fully grasped was how much work a relationship takes. The only way for a healthy relationship to work is for both parties to work towards the same goal. I think that we're finally on the same page here, and we're working for the same goal. While, yeah, we've had disagreements, our communication has improved 1000% yay!!!!! I am so proud of us! That we've been able to keep up our communication, to process what the other is saying, and actually get it! (yeah that last part was mostly him being able to get what I'm trying to communicate, and actually understanding it.) I'm happy for us. We've made it past the halfway mark, and we've got a little more than 8 weeks left until I'm boarding that plane to get me to Norfolk!
Day 8: Your favorite internet friend
I have a lot of internet friends. Probably more internet friends than real ones. How sad is that? My favorite friend.....hard to choose. I think the one that I've spoken to the most is my friend Brooke. Her fiance is the USS Lincoln, and she's going through her first deployment, all while planning her wedding for when he gets back. She's an amazing person to talk to and feel like you are the queen of the world. She doesn't take shit from anyone, and demands respect, and if you're her friend....she will defend you to the death. I love how she takes offense to stuff for me, and is more than willing to kick people's ass for me. Usually it's me who has to calm her down, because anyone who knows me knows that while I'm not the "kick down the door" kind of girl, I can very quietly and effective put someone in their place without raising my voice. It's a talent. Be jealous. Lol.
I'm excited to hear that her fiance, Brad, might be getting orders to VA soon. Though, with our luck, it'll probably be when the Sailor is getting ready to PCS again.....and we might not even get to meet. Ironic seeing as how she lives about 4 or 5 hours away from me right now.....but I'm just way too lazy to make the drive to Fresno. One of these days I will....and we'll probably have an absolute blast. Until that day, we'll be internet and phone buddies.
I'm excited to hear that her fiance, Brad, might be getting orders to VA soon. Though, with our luck, it'll probably be when the Sailor is getting ready to PCS again.....and we might not even get to meet. Ironic seeing as how she lives about 4 or 5 hours away from me right now.....but I'm just way too lazy to make the drive to Fresno. One of these days I will....and we'll probably have an absolute blast. Until that day, we'll be internet and phone buddies.
Day 7: Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
I don't really have very many of these to choose from. It's kinda depressing how much I didn't date before the Sailor. There are times when I wish that I had dated more, experiences more, "shopped" more. Then I remember just how much I really hate shopping. For a woman, I think I hate shopping more than anyone I know. I have less patience for it than most men. This excludes the Sailor btw. He LOVES shopping. Well....he loves spending money. Me....I like looking at my money for long periods of time then splurging and buying something amazing for myself that is just pure luxury.
But back to exes. I guess if I was to talk about anyone, it would probably be Michael. Michael.....he was my bf before the Sailor. He's a law student at UC Davis, now in his second year. He's also dating someone new, she goes to school in Arizona. Funny, seeing as how SF was too far from Davis for him.....but I digress. Michael.....he's a jerk, and kind of an asshole, capital A. He's the first to admit it, and I'm not even trying to be mean here. It's just the way he is. We were explosive together. Everything we did was either a torrent of emotion, or not caring at all. We just went through too much not caring for me to think that the times we did care made it worth it. We parted ways amicably enough, and we still chat on occasion. For the most part, he's my sounding board about stuff the Sailor says or complains about. I think of him as my dude friend, seeing as how he actually did date me, knows how I can be, and can give me dude opinions. He still can piss me off beyond belief, but.....we're way better as friends than we ever were anything else.
But back to exes. I guess if I was to talk about anyone, it would probably be Michael. Michael.....he was my bf before the Sailor. He's a law student at UC Davis, now in his second year. He's also dating someone new, she goes to school in Arizona. Funny, seeing as how SF was too far from Davis for him.....but I digress. Michael.....he's a jerk, and kind of an asshole, capital A. He's the first to admit it, and I'm not even trying to be mean here. It's just the way he is. We were explosive together. Everything we did was either a torrent of emotion, or not caring at all. We just went through too much not caring for me to think that the times we did care made it worth it. We parted ways amicably enough, and we still chat on occasion. For the most part, he's my sounding board about stuff the Sailor says or complains about. I think of him as my dude friend, seeing as how he actually did date me, knows how I can be, and can give me dude opinions. He still can piss me off beyond belief, but.....we're way better as friends than we ever were anything else.
Day 6: A Stranger.
I meet lots of strangers. Yet, the one that comes to mind as soon as I think about a stranger, is this woman I met on the train in high school. She was talking very loudly into her cell phone, she had just left bootcamp, and was really excited to be getting home. I asked if she was in the Army, because being 15 and not really caring about the different branches of military, everyone was in the Army to me. (Oh how I've changed in 7 years!) She replied that she was in the Air Force, and had just left bootcamp, was going home on leave, and was going to be going to some other state for further training before deployment. We spoke for about 45 mins to an hour. She tried to get me to "think" about joining. I flat out told her I question way too much to ever be in any sort of service (totally true to this day!) and she laughed and said yeah, they beat that out of you quickly. When she went to get off the train, she told me her name was Michelle, and I offered to pray for her. I think that I was the first person to offer that, and the look on her face was the first truly rewarding thing I think I've ever done for a member of our military.
Obviously, since then I've done a lot for our military. I mean, I'm dating someone in the Navy! Talk about the sacrifices! While totally true, I'm kidding. It's a pleasure and honor to know that I love and am loved by someone who is willing to do so much for our country. Funny how that one act 7 years ago still comes to my mind today. If you would have told me what was going to happen in those 7 years I don't think I would have been able to believe a word of it.
Obviously, since then I've done a lot for our military. I mean, I'm dating someone in the Navy! Talk about the sacrifices! While totally true, I'm kidding. It's a pleasure and honor to know that I love and am loved by someone who is willing to do so much for our country. Funny how that one act 7 years ago still comes to my mind today. If you would have told me what was going to happen in those 7 years I don't think I would have been able to believe a word of it.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Day 5: Your Dreams
My dreams. My dreams have changed a lot in the past couple of years. When I was little I wanted to be a career woman who would do anything. As I got older, I thought perhaps I'd have a string of lovers and never get married....enjoy my career, perhaps if children fell into the mix I'd roll with it.
In the last few years my dreams have changed. Right now I'm not even sure that I want to go to college. I know that eventually I want to finish my degree in whatever, but right now.....sigh, it just isn't fulfilling me the way it used to.
So what are my dreams? I want to get married, have children. Raise them to be amazing human beings. A career has just dropped off the table, and becoming the best wife and mother has all of a sudden taken the drivers seat. I don't know where it came from, but it's becoming more and more apparent to me that I was definitely born in the wrong decade. Nowadays it's considered the oddity to want to stay home and be a wife and mother, to put home first instead of career.
I don't know if my dreams will change again, but I feel so sure that this is what I want. I guess the future will show me. Wait and see isn't really my favorite thing to do, but it looks like that's what I'm going to have to do.
In the last few years my dreams have changed. Right now I'm not even sure that I want to go to college. I know that eventually I want to finish my degree in whatever, but right now.....sigh, it just isn't fulfilling me the way it used to.
So what are my dreams? I want to get married, have children. Raise them to be amazing human beings. A career has just dropped off the table, and becoming the best wife and mother has all of a sudden taken the drivers seat. I don't know where it came from, but it's becoming more and more apparent to me that I was definitely born in the wrong decade. Nowadays it's considered the oddity to want to stay home and be a wife and mother, to put home first instead of career.
I don't know if my dreams will change again, but I feel so sure that this is what I want. I guess the future will show me. Wait and see isn't really my favorite thing to do, but it looks like that's what I'm going to have to do.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Day 4: Your sibling (or closest relative)
Well, I'm an only child, and really happy about it. I think that my personality would not have tolerated a sibling very much lol. I'm also not that close to my relatives, pretty much because they get on my nerves like no other. That being said, I think my closest relative would probably be my Auntie Quey. She's my aunt on my dad's side.....and technically my 3rd cousin. She's the only member of my dad's side that has never turned her back on me. When my dad disappeared everyone, including my grandmother, who had a huge hand in raising me for the first 5 years of my life, acted as though I didn't exist. For that I'll always be grateful to her. I know that she's caught a lot of shit from the family for continuing to be a part of my life, as well as being really close to my mom. I think that she considers us to be her only family, the rest are relatives.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Day 3: Your Parents
My Parents. What can I say about my parents?
My mom is just awesomeness. She gets me more than I give her credit for, and she makes me laugh with her silly antics. Yeah, she can also piss me off more than anyone else in the world, but as she likes to put it, that's her job as a mother lol. She listens to me when I'm going on and on about whatever subject I'm into, and does her best (while usually failing) to remember and follow along. I know that when the times comes she's going to be my go to person for all kid related things, and it definitely helps that she works in pediatrics! I think that I lucked out and got the best mother for me that I could get.
My father.....so many things could be said about him, and not very much of it good. My parents divorced when I was three, and he hasn't really been a big part of my life. He disappeared for good when I was around 12, and reappeared about three years ago. I haven't seen him very often, though every month or so he does deposit money in my account. I don't have a relationship with him, I don't understand him, nor does he understand me very much either. The day I accepted that (around my 18th birthday) was the day that I let go of any fleeting hopes of ever having a relationship with him. Most likely my children will never meet him. I doubt the Sailor ever will. It's a sad realization, but one that needed to be made. Now I take his money, occasionally call, and sometimes get free food out of a lunch or dinner.
Those are my parents. There's definitely a reason why God decided to give me an amazing super mom that could do such an amazing job of raising me by herself.
My mom is just awesomeness. She gets me more than I give her credit for, and she makes me laugh with her silly antics. Yeah, she can also piss me off more than anyone else in the world, but as she likes to put it, that's her job as a mother lol. She listens to me when I'm going on and on about whatever subject I'm into, and does her best (while usually failing) to remember and follow along. I know that when the times comes she's going to be my go to person for all kid related things, and it definitely helps that she works in pediatrics! I think that I lucked out and got the best mother for me that I could get.
My father.....so many things could be said about him, and not very much of it good. My parents divorced when I was three, and he hasn't really been a big part of my life. He disappeared for good when I was around 12, and reappeared about three years ago. I haven't seen him very often, though every month or so he does deposit money in my account. I don't have a relationship with him, I don't understand him, nor does he understand me very much either. The day I accepted that (around my 18th birthday) was the day that I let go of any fleeting hopes of ever having a relationship with him. Most likely my children will never meet him. I doubt the Sailor ever will. It's a sad realization, but one that needed to be made. Now I take his money, occasionally call, and sometimes get free food out of a lunch or dinner.
Those are my parents. There's definitely a reason why God decided to give me an amazing super mom that could do such an amazing job of raising me by herself.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Day 2: My Crush
Kinda vague. Do I talk about a crush recently? Do I talk about my first crush? Actually......I think I've only ever had one lol. High school, I had the biggest crush on this guy Gabe. I thought he was so cute, with those dreamy hazel eyes and curly brown hair. He had little dimples when he smiled and this really sexy deep voice. Especially sexy seeing as how he had said voice when he was 14. I never had the courage to tell him how I felt, and I probably never will tell him what a mondo crush I had on him for pretty much all four years. For being such a small graduating class, I didn't speak or hang out with him much.....or at all actually so yeah. That's my one and only crush.
Day 1: My Best Friend
Hmmmmm well what on earth am I going to say about my best friend in the whole wide world?
This is difficult on so many levels, partly because I think I know her too well, so it's hard to describe her. Also, whenever I've tried, I've kinda made her out to be a little bit worse than what she really is. *sorry!* I'm gonna do my very very best to get it right this time though.
My bestie, we'll call her D, is just pure awesomeness. She listens to me bitch and whine, as well as endlessly praise and brag. She always feeds me awesome dinners, and I in turn feed her awesome deserts. We're just that cool! She is without a doubt my soulmate in every sense of the word. As different as we are, we're a lot alike, in little ways that have forged bonds so strong even stupid little comments we've made to each other hasn't really affected the structure of our relationship.
I guess I should start with some background. Neither of us is really sure how it was that we became friends. I find this really funny because we both know exactly when we met. I guess it was friendship at first sight? We met at a Christmas banquet my Academy was having. She was the "date" to a mutual friend that has since decided she hates me. Oh and she also used to be D's best friend. Yeah....I replaced her. Not to be confused with D and I having an affair on....well we'll call her E. It's just that D and E were having some problems, and decided to take a breather, and well D and J just ended up.....happening. Before we knew it, we were more than just friends who occasionally saw each other but when we did we would talk about everything and just generally not shut up, to friends who saw each other every weekend for sleepovers and never shutting up for two days on a weekly basis.
When E decided to try and mend the riff with D......well, it didn't really turn out the way she wanted. Instead of coming back to a miserable D who was missing her.....she came back to a D who had moved on and given that special part of your heart reserved for that special BFF to moi. But that's not the reason E hates me. She started that way before, and has NEVER told the reason why. It's a mystery alright lol.
Back to D being awesome. She enables my lemonade addiction. She talks about tv characters like they're real people (I totally do too!) Gets mad at predictable plots, and talks throughout tv shows and movies just like me! Yeah, don't ever watch anything with us, we're REALLY obnoxious. We do try and keep it to a minimum when in a movie theater, but.....it's HARD to do that! She loves Star Gate, Star Wars, Star Trek (sensing a theme here?) and I got her hooked on The Big Bang Theory. She also loves really random BBC things like Dr. Who and Torchwood. She also knows that I'd rather burn out my eyes than watch that with her.
She's also the strongest prayer warrior I know. There is just something about her when she prays that makes me feel instantly better. I'm not one for public prayer, probably because I talk to God the way I talk to my friends, meaning I tell him to knock it off and stop being a punk. Not really something I'd want to say in front of others. D however, is just....awesome. She's the youth leader of her church. She's a junior Deaconess and she's really involved in Pathfinders.....kind of like a christian girl/boy scouts thing.
I admire her greatly, even though she is the biggest spaz I know. She also really sucks at spelling, but makes up for it with her grasp of math. She is one day going to keep me in the live I plan to very quickly become accustomed to :). She makes me smile when I'm sad, she calms me down when I'm pissed, and she makes me really really hyper when I'm happy. She's my soul mate, and I'm incredibly blessed to have her in my life. Jesus Freak and all.
This is difficult on so many levels, partly because I think I know her too well, so it's hard to describe her. Also, whenever I've tried, I've kinda made her out to be a little bit worse than what she really is. *sorry!* I'm gonna do my very very best to get it right this time though.
My bestie, we'll call her D, is just pure awesomeness. She listens to me bitch and whine, as well as endlessly praise and brag. She always feeds me awesome dinners, and I in turn feed her awesome deserts. We're just that cool! She is without a doubt my soulmate in every sense of the word. As different as we are, we're a lot alike, in little ways that have forged bonds so strong even stupid little comments we've made to each other hasn't really affected the structure of our relationship.
I guess I should start with some background. Neither of us is really sure how it was that we became friends. I find this really funny because we both know exactly when we met. I guess it was friendship at first sight? We met at a Christmas banquet my Academy was having. She was the "date" to a mutual friend that has since decided she hates me. Oh and she also used to be D's best friend. Yeah....I replaced her. Not to be confused with D and I having an affair on....well we'll call her E. It's just that D and E were having some problems, and decided to take a breather, and well D and J just ended up.....happening. Before we knew it, we were more than just friends who occasionally saw each other but when we did we would talk about everything and just generally not shut up, to friends who saw each other every weekend for sleepovers and never shutting up for two days on a weekly basis.
When E decided to try and mend the riff with D......well, it didn't really turn out the way she wanted. Instead of coming back to a miserable D who was missing her.....she came back to a D who had moved on and given that special part of your heart reserved for that special BFF to moi. But that's not the reason E hates me. She started that way before, and has NEVER told the reason why. It's a mystery alright lol.
Back to D being awesome. She enables my lemonade addiction. She talks about tv characters like they're real people (I totally do too!) Gets mad at predictable plots, and talks throughout tv shows and movies just like me! Yeah, don't ever watch anything with us, we're REALLY obnoxious. We do try and keep it to a minimum when in a movie theater, but.....it's HARD to do that! She loves Star Gate, Star Wars, Star Trek (sensing a theme here?) and I got her hooked on The Big Bang Theory. She also loves really random BBC things like Dr. Who and Torchwood. She also knows that I'd rather burn out my eyes than watch that with her.
She's also the strongest prayer warrior I know. There is just something about her when she prays that makes me feel instantly better. I'm not one for public prayer, probably because I talk to God the way I talk to my friends, meaning I tell him to knock it off and stop being a punk. Not really something I'd want to say in front of others. D however, is just....awesome. She's the youth leader of her church. She's a junior Deaconess and she's really involved in Pathfinders.....kind of like a christian girl/boy scouts thing.
I admire her greatly, even though she is the biggest spaz I know. She also really sucks at spelling, but makes up for it with her grasp of math. She is one day going to keep me in the live I plan to very quickly become accustomed to :). She makes me smile when I'm sad, she calms me down when I'm pissed, and she makes me really really hyper when I'm happy. She's my soul mate, and I'm incredibly blessed to have her in my life. Jesus Freak and all.
30 Day Meme
Well since lately I've had absolutely no idea what to post about, I'm instead going to do one of those meme that have been so popular with the bloggy world! I got this from Mrs. Hollis and Mrs. B-Dub. They're both really awesome mommies who are really insightful women. I hope that when I have babies I'm half the mom these two are.
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 - Your Crush
Day 3 - Your Parents
Day 4 - Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 - Your Dreams
Day 6 - A Stranger
Day 7 - Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 - Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 - Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like
Day 11 - A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 - The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 -Someone you wish you could forgive
Day 14 - Someone you've drifted away from
Day 15 - The person you miss the most
Day 16 - Someone that's not in your state/country
Day 17 - Someone from your childhood
Day 18 - The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind - good or bad
Day 20 - The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 - Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 - Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 - The last person you kissed
Day 24 - The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 - The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 - Someone that changed your life
Day 29 - The person that you want to tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 - Your reflection
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Day 2 - Your Crush
Day 3 - Your Parents
Day 4 - Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 - Your Dreams
Day 6 - A Stranger
Day 7 - Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 - Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 - Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like
Day 11 - A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 - The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 -Someone you wish you could forgive
Day 14 - Someone you've drifted away from
Day 15 - The person you miss the most
Day 16 - Someone that's not in your state/country
Day 17 - Someone from your childhood
Day 18 - The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind - good or bad
Day 20 - The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 - Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 - Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 - The last person you kissed
Day 24 - The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 - The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 - Someone that changed your life
Day 29 - The person that you want to tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 - Your reflection
Thursday, October 7, 2010
I Wish I Could Write
Writing is difficult for me. To put pen to paper, figuratively speaking, is really hard. I wish I was more eloquent, I wish I was more concise. I wish I could tell a story without going off on tangents, or being too wordy. Life would be awesome if I could only write.
Ok, no, not really, but it would definitely make my life easier. So much of the world is now writing. We write online, we write our resumes, we write papers for school. I write this blog, and yet when I look back, it seems so scattered, so depressing. I don't know how to write happy. For the most part, I am happy in my relationship. I know that I'm deeply loved, and I love back. Yes, we have our spats, our disagreements, and well.....I am an only child who has deep rooted "this is mine so don't touch it" issues lol. I think this is the reason I don't know where to draw the line at jealousy. I am a jealous person by nature, and it appears to be getting worse the closer we get. I'm jealous of every female in his life.
It really doesn't help that he met up with an ex of his the other day, and didn't tell me about it until after the fact. When I pressed, he admitted that he did love her, but she didn't feel the same. She was then stationed in Japan, he caught her cheating on him, and they broke up. It was messy, it wasn't resolved, and yet he went to meet her at the airport, went to a bar with her and a friend, and then drove her the Norfolk base to catch yet another flight.
Should I be ok with this? She then posts on his wall, tells him he's amazing, and calls him babe. This bothered me. A LOT. Right now, in this moment, I'm back to the feeling I was in from April to July. That depressing, "I'm in this alone" feeling. I know I can't control how others talk to my boyfriend, but the thing is, he doesn't see the wrong in this kind of behavior. Something similar happened when he was out here in July. A friend of his from back home was continuous texting him. At literally all hours of the night. There was a couple of times that she was texting him at 2AM! Now, I know that as a friend, you want to keep in contact, but I get limited face time with my boyfriend, and as a friend I would hope that my "friends" would respect that, and not want to distract said friend from my girlfriend with my stupid "whatcha doing" texts. Especially at the small hours of night!
Ok wow, didn't realize that I had this much bothering me about this. As of right now, I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff. Little things set me off, especially other women. Sigh. I just wish that someone could tell me whether or not I was crazy about this.
Ok, no, not really, but it would definitely make my life easier. So much of the world is now writing. We write online, we write our resumes, we write papers for school. I write this blog, and yet when I look back, it seems so scattered, so depressing. I don't know how to write happy. For the most part, I am happy in my relationship. I know that I'm deeply loved, and I love back. Yes, we have our spats, our disagreements, and well.....I am an only child who has deep rooted "this is mine so don't touch it" issues lol. I think this is the reason I don't know where to draw the line at jealousy. I am a jealous person by nature, and it appears to be getting worse the closer we get. I'm jealous of every female in his life.
It really doesn't help that he met up with an ex of his the other day, and didn't tell me about it until after the fact. When I pressed, he admitted that he did love her, but she didn't feel the same. She was then stationed in Japan, he caught her cheating on him, and they broke up. It was messy, it wasn't resolved, and yet he went to meet her at the airport, went to a bar with her and a friend, and then drove her the Norfolk base to catch yet another flight.
Should I be ok with this? She then posts on his wall, tells him he's amazing, and calls him babe. This bothered me. A LOT. Right now, in this moment, I'm back to the feeling I was in from April to July. That depressing, "I'm in this alone" feeling. I know I can't control how others talk to my boyfriend, but the thing is, he doesn't see the wrong in this kind of behavior. Something similar happened when he was out here in July. A friend of his from back home was continuous texting him. At literally all hours of the night. There was a couple of times that she was texting him at 2AM! Now, I know that as a friend, you want to keep in contact, but I get limited face time with my boyfriend, and as a friend I would hope that my "friends" would respect that, and not want to distract said friend from my girlfriend with my stupid "whatcha doing" texts. Especially at the small hours of night!
Ok wow, didn't realize that I had this much bothering me about this. As of right now, I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff. Little things set me off, especially other women. Sigh. I just wish that someone could tell me whether or not I was crazy about this.
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