Writing is difficult for me. To put pen to paper, figuratively speaking, is really hard. I wish I was more eloquent, I wish I was more concise. I wish I could tell a story without going off on tangents, or being too wordy. Life would be awesome if I could only write.
Ok, no, not really, but it would definitely make my life easier. So much of the world is now writing. We write online, we write our resumes, we write papers for school. I write this blog, and yet when I look back, it seems so scattered, so depressing. I don't know how to write happy. For the most part, I am happy in my relationship. I know that I'm deeply loved, and I love back. Yes, we have our spats, our disagreements, and well.....I am an only child who has deep rooted "this is mine so don't touch it" issues lol. I think this is the reason I don't know where to draw the line at jealousy. I am a jealous person by nature, and it appears to be getting worse the closer we get. I'm jealous of every female in his life.
It really doesn't help that he met up with an ex of his the other day, and didn't tell me about it until after the fact. When I pressed, he admitted that he did love her, but she didn't feel the same. She was then stationed in Japan, he caught her cheating on him, and they broke up. It was messy, it wasn't resolved, and yet he went to meet her at the airport, went to a bar with her and a friend, and then drove her the Norfolk base to catch yet another flight.
Should I be ok with this? She then posts on his wall, tells him he's amazing, and calls him babe. This bothered me. A LOT. Right now, in this moment, I'm back to the feeling I was in from April to July. That depressing, "I'm in this alone" feeling. I know I can't control how others talk to my boyfriend, but the thing is, he doesn't see the wrong in this kind of behavior. Something similar happened when he was out here in July. A friend of his from back home was continuous texting him. At literally all hours of the night. There was a couple of times that she was texting him at 2AM! Now, I know that as a friend, you want to keep in contact, but I get limited face time with my boyfriend, and as a friend I would hope that my "friends" would respect that, and not want to distract said friend from my girlfriend with my stupid "whatcha doing" texts. Especially at the small hours of night!
Ok wow, didn't realize that I had this much bothering me about this. As of right now, I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff. Little things set me off, especially other women. Sigh. I just wish that someone could tell me whether or not I was crazy about this.
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