He's Gone

And I haven't cried. Not really anyways. I caught up on Army Wives, and this week's episode did make me tear up a little. However, those tears really didn't feel like they were for my Sailor. They were just sympathy tears for fictional characters lol. As wrong as it might sound, I'm actually really happy that I haven't cried at all. To say it feels good would be an understatement. My last trip out, when I got home, I cried for two days. The trip before that, I shed a few tears right before I landed home, and the trips before were little commuter flights from San Diego to SF. I also didn't think that I was going to see him again after those two trips down, so I didn't think that I could justify tears to myself. I know it might not seem like it, but I'm really not that much of an emotional person. At least, I'm not emotional as in I cry a lot. I explain my emotions a little too well, I'm in tune with my emotions a little too well if you want to put a fine point on it, but I'm not one who cries over the little things. What I'm trying to say in a very long way is that me not crying over the fact that he's gone is good. It means that I feel good about how we ended stuff. We've talked an insane amount this trip out. I think that he's really gotten to know me a lot better, and I really do feel that he's starting to understand me, and love all of me. He says that he feels this trip he fell in love with me all over again. I hope that that's true. It would be awesome if this honeymoon feeling could last always. I know that it won't. We'll change, we'll grow, and we're going to have to be able to move with that. I really do hope and pray that we can, and not fall back on old habits. I'm starting to feel my hope grow again when it comes to the future. That's enough to make me smile right now.