When It Rains, It Pours

The past few days have been....interesting to say the very least. Last night I went out (shocker I know) with a friend who has been bugging me to go out for like a month. For the most part I've been complete hibernation mode since Sailorman left. I haven't been the mood to see people. At all. However, yesterday, I didn't feel as though I was in hibernation mode. I felt as though I was slowly circling the depression drain, just waiting for it to wash over me. I didn't want that to happen. So when this friend, we'll call him the Photographer, texted me to come out for dinner, I said yes.

It was a fun time. We went to Red Robin, I had a sundae as my dinner, and just enjoyed myself. He then invited me to go out for drinks with a few of his friends that he was meeting down in the Mission District. I (for once) didn't want to go home, so I said yes. Now, Photographer is older than I am. He's 36. His friends therefore, are around the same age as him. I felt very.....young around them. It was a strange sensation to feel so young. For the most part my friends are younger than I, so I usually tend to feel very old when I'm hanging around people. Back to the story at hand. We hung out with his friends for awhile, but when they switched to this other bar that was way too loud, I asked if we could go. Photographer immediately said yes, and took me back to my car. He was feeling sad, and looked really depressed, so I asked if he'd like me to go back to his place so we could talk for a while.

(I should interject here that Photographer got dumped by his fiance right before New Years, and he is incredibly depressed and mopey about it. In no way shape or form is he ready or even willing to make a move on anyone, and if anything he's kind of a whiny cry baby when it comes to the subject of his ex, who I guess I should name because any story containing him also contains by default her. Ummm, ok we'll name her Red. She's a redhead, and apparently that's his thing. Just thought I should stick this in now, before you start getting any ideas about inappropriate behavior. I promise, there was none!)

Photographer agreed and I followed him home. His place is utterly depressing. It looks like a monk's cell. Now obviously, Photographer is a photographer. He loves color, and is apparently pretty well known as a photographer. I don't know names, nor am I particularly starstruck in any case, so I don't really care if he is famous or not. I just see him as a rather goofy, very sad man who needs someone to both nurture and kick his ass every once in a while. We hung out, we talked, he cried. It got late, and I went home and passed out.

This morning I caught Sailorman on fb chat, so I said hi. He asked what I'd been up to and told him more or less everything that I just said. Then, Sailorman flipped out on me. I didn't think that hanging out with a friend would be cause for a HUGE guilt trip, but apparently it was. The main thing that I didn't understand was the fact that he was the one who told me to go and find friends in the City so I could hang out with people and get out of the house. Sailorman isn't the jealous type, so I didn't know how to react to this. He then very abruptly told me he had to go, said a quick I love you, and then signed off. I had made plans with Photographer for later that day, so we went to the Ferry Building and I met a few more of his friends. While there, I missed a call from Sailorman (when it rains it pours doesn't it?) So that was a full on freak out. It didn't help that Photographer kept trying to make me feel better by saying stuff like "well maybe this is an old missed call" and then the kicker, "well, why don't you call him back?" Sigh. Let's not even get into that one.

Photographer and I were supposed to go shopping for his apartment, but I was way too stressed and anxious from the missed phone call to want to do anything. I asked Photographer to take me home instead. Once I finally got home, an hour after the missed call which by the way Sailorman didn't even leave a message for, he called back. He was on the phone with his mom, so she got the hour phone call whereas I got the half hour one this time around. I'm sure that made her happy, it however made me sad. During our phone call we talked about why was it that Sailorman was acting so jealous. I couldn't understand why, because I'm not going to cheat on him. He knows I'm not, and I know that he trusts me. His argument was a repetition of "I trust you, I don't trust everyone else" and "someone might slip something into your drink when you're not looking and then what" Sigh. The conclusion was finally, I can hang out with Photographer as long as it isn't along in his apartment. The only way I can go there is if there's someone else over.

I can understand where he's coming from, but at the same time. If he trusts me, why doesn't he trust my judgment?