Sunday, June 19, 2011

I've been thinking a lot lately. For some reason those thoughts aren't really translating into a blog though. Don't you just hate when that happens?

I suppose the main thing I should say is this: Sailorman and I are back on.....as in officially engaged, and yes I'm happy.

That being said, I know that we both have work to do, not so much as damage control, but as maintenance to make sure that our relationship NEVER gets to this point ever again. Now what I'm worried about....What if I never love him the way I did? Because I don't feel the same way that I used to. Nor do I particularly feel like I love him more. My love for him is there, I see my future with him, I know I eventually want children with him, to build a life with him..... I just don't feel this burning all consuming love anymore. Gosh, that makes me feel horribly guilty saying that aloud.

Something that makes me feel even more guilty: Sailorman says he loves me even more now. He DOES feel that all consuming passion for me. He's now the one that constantly tells me he misses me. That he loves me. It's nice to hear, but feels false to say it back.

I hope it changes.

On to other news.....remember when I was saying how much it sucked that I hadn't heard from Sailorman in 24 hours? Well, my facebook status that day was something along the lines of "trying to figure out the root of bruised feelings, it's harder than I thought." Sailorman's dad decided to comment. With two words: grow up.

WTF? Grow up? He has no idea the problems we've been having because Sailorman doesn't tell his family anything. But still, to say something like that.....sigh. Sailorman sent an email out to his dad asking if he or his wife have some sort of a problem with me, seeing as how those two are always the ones being mean to me. His father still hasn't answered back. I guess silence is an answer.