The In-Between

So....now another random questioning session. I've said often enough that the military wives seem to band together and support one another. I mean, the military supports the wives. There are so many resources for wives. There also seems to be, just as I'm "leaving" mind you, an uprise in the girlfriend community. I'm not talking the 16 - 19 year old community, no offense to anyone in that age range, but at 22 (almost 23) it's hard to relate to some of the issues that they seem to talk about. Things like juggling high school, bootcamp or A school. I never went through any of that with Sailorman, so I just can't relate.

No, I'm talking about the early 20s girlfriend community. I feel as though, yet again, I'm late to the game. I've found quite a few new to be blogs of girlfriends who are my age, whose boyfriends are established in their careers and just moving up the ladder. Girls who I wish I had "met" two years ago when I was just starting out as a Navy Girlfriend. Instead, I made friends with wives who were my age, and yet, I couldn't really relate to them. There is a big difference between wife and girlfriend, and right now I'm in the between. I'm finding it hard to figure out where I fit. While I am wearing a beautiful ring on my finger (technically two lol) I still feel like a girlfriend. Besides the whole wedding planning nightmare from hell of course.

I'm pretty much still in the same slot I've been in for the last 16 months. I'm still 3000 miles away. I'm still going to school, living with my mom, and still glued to my computer and phone because the majority of my friends live too far away for me to actually hang out with them. I'm incredibly lonely and feeling more than a little adrift. It doesn't help that Sailorman's deployment is in T minus X amount of time. The anticipation is killing me. It is also driving me nuts how excited and nonchalant he's being about it. I'm drowning in a sea of emotion, and incredibly sad I don't get that "one last quality time" with him, and he's just sort of sitting back and bouncing up and down to go.

So I suppose my questions are, am I still allowed to feel like a girlfriend? Why does it feel so awkward now to say to others "my fiance" instead of my boyfriend? Do I have to just suck it up and start joining wives stuff? Will that just be even more awkward for me? Can you tell that I overthink things? Lol, I'd love to hear from you!