Friday, July 15, 2011

I haven't spoke to Sailorman in over 24 hours. I don't think he's been online since he logged off yesterday. Wouldn't surprise me if he's just avoided the internet on principle after the drama that was yesterday. I still don't know my feelings about the whole mess honestly.

On one hand I'm hurt that his mom has decide that I'm the cause of any and all problems that she has with me. She pretty much has blamed me for her not knowing our decisions when it comes to our lives. Ummm, I'm sorry, but if she answered her damn phone or returned emails/texts/fb messages she would be a lot more informed. The fact that I did try, for three months I tried to inform her of what was going on, only to be rebuffed got old. So I stopped including her. I figured, it's not my problem anymore, if she really wants to know the phone works both ways. Besides, she's not my parent. Sailorman should be the one who informs her of our plans, why do I have to be the one to do it all the time?

I'm just tired. Tired of feeling the weight of blame, tired of the guilt trips. I'm getting to the point where I almost don't want to be with Sailorman because of the drama that seems to come with marrying him. Harsh truth, but there it is. I hate feeling like I'm the sole problem. And, it feels like he's taking his mom's side in all of this. Even more so because I haven't talked to him. The entire time that I did talk to him, it felt like my feelings weren't being acknowledged. It seriously sucks to feel like that.

As much as I'd like there to be a sort of truce when it comes to Sailorman's mom, I don't think that there's going to be. And I don't know what to do about that. Sailorman needs to talk to me.