Independance

I've said before, I'm a walking contradiction. Sailorman loves to call me difficult because there are so many things about me that just.....well, they shouldn't work haha. As sad as this is I believe it's the truth, though many who know me would say differently: I don't think that I am a very strong person. I like the fact that I am for the most part, sheltered. I like that I see the good in people before I see the bad. I like that for (for the most part) I am very trusting. I also like that the thought of someone taking care of me.

No, I don't mean being waited on hand and foot, I find that a little ridiculous. I'm also not talking about little things like doors being open for me. While yes, it's a sweet gesture, I am an incredibly impatient person and Sailorman takes FOREVER to open his own damn door, let alone open his, walk around and open mine. It's just faster for me to gather my stuff and open my own door. Sad, but true that I'm usually also a lot faster than him when it comes to opening the car door.

What I'm talking about is, and again, this sounds bad. I like the thought of being taken care of financially. Again, I'm not saying that I'm going to live off of Sailorman's paycheck and just be one of the stereotypical military wives that everyone thinks of when they think military wife. But, in your heart of hearts, you have to admit that the thought of being "taken care of" is a huge relief when it comes to planning for the future. I like the thought of "if I don't want to, and if we're careful enough with our budget, I don't HAVE to work if I don't want to." After I'm done with whatever schooling I'm going to end up doing once I'm out here in 10 or so months yes, I will find some sort of work. It probably won't be because I need to, but because sitting at home all day in my pjs is going to get old, fast. 

The way I see it, this is going to be stressful enough for me to deal with deployments and whatnot. I wasn't sure if I was cut out to be a career woman and was struggling with resigning myself into trying to make myself fit into that mold before I met Sailorman. It made me incredibly depressed and sad to think that I might end up doing something that I didn't want to do because I needed to in order to "take care of myself." With Sailorman proposing, and the plan to get married probably by the end of this year, that pressure is gone. With that gone, there is a whole new set of worries and stresses that I have, the main ones being moving away from everyone I know and love. I have never been as homesick as I have the past week or so. I've met up with one Navy Wife, K, who was just awesomesauce. Her husband is at the same command as Sailorman, though not in the same shop. It was cool to compare notes and just realizing that a lot of the little "quirks" and "issues" that I've had/have with Sailorman aren't just him, it appears that all.....guys are like that haha. Who would've known?

Another thing that I've found out about myself since being back at the Beach is that I HATE not having a car. I hate not having the option of having a car. I hate having to depend on Sailorman to drive me places. I also feel really really really weird facebooking/texting/calling people I "know" here to drive me places as well. I'm sure that they would be happy to drive me to run random errands, but I just feel so strange asking! I've been driving myself around since I was 18 years old. I've never depended on anyone for a ride unless it was my choice to do so. That's really not the case here. I'm getting to the point that the next time I'm out here I'm just going to drive because I want to have a vehicle here!

So I suppose my question(s) of the blog is this:

What is it you're afraid to admit to finding comfort in when it comes to your servicemember/significant other?

What do you feel you absolutely need to feel independent?