I saw that as a bumpersticker on facebook once. It was a couple of weeks after dating Sailorman, and he sent it to me. Honestly, at the time I thought that it was a bit premature to be talking about him being my heart. (Terrible, I know) but that was the way I felt then. Now, yes, he is my heart, and I miss him terribly. While I had my layover in Chicago last night, all I could think was: I don't want to be here, I don't want to be going back to CA. I want to start my life with him already. I don't want what I know is the right choice. I want to be impulsive and stupid and maybe more than a little reckless and just throw caution to the wind and say "ok, let's move me out there, who cares that you're going to deploy and leave me alone for 6 months."
But we all know that I would never do or say any of that, as much as my heart wants me to. My head wouldn't let me. It's a miracle enough that my head let me follow my impulses down to San Diego 15 and half months ago to meet who is now going to be my future husband. Besides, Sailorman is a total secret squirrel. There's no way in hell that his security manager would let us just move in together, especially not with the mess that is that stupid dual citizenship deal that I have YET to hear back from. This is almost three months ago in case you forgot. Ugh, let's not even get into that rant right now.
We have a lot of steps to deal with, a lot of paperwork and background checks (insert sarcastic yay here) and whatever other hoops we're going to have to jump through before we get to the packing and moving me out there part of the fairytale. Oh, and we have a lovely deployment to go through as well. While I truly believe that this deployment will only make our relationship stronger in the long run, and I'm doing my best to not dwell on all the bad right now because it'll only make me and us crazy right now, let's just say that when the dam breaks it ain't gonna be pretty. At all.
So as of now, I'm going to do my best to deal with my heart not being whole, comfort myself that he'll most likely be able to take a trip out here in March, and in 10 months this will be over. I will be able to move out there, and we will be able to start our life together.
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