Goodbye For Now.

I know I haven't been around lately, a lot has happened since the last time I posted. I don't know if I'm able to get in all of it now, there's a lot I have to fill you all in about! I just think it's going to take a while for me to be able to form it in my very witty funny style (if I do say so myself) I just think that the only thing that's truly important right now is Sailorman's gone.

I dropped him off, he's gotten on his plane and he's on more than halfway to his destination. I don't know when my next phone call is going to be. My last one was when I was in San Diego last night, and we could only talk for about 20 mins before I had to leave for San Francisco. I missed saying goodbye goodbye by 10 mins once I landed. We talked as though we were alone, not as though we were in an airport and airplane, surrounded by strangers who were obviously listening to some of what we were saying. It was a public setting for what should have been a very private goodbye. It's hard, but I'm still numb. I think once the numbness wears off I'll be a wreck for awhile.

Then I'll do what I always do: I'll suck it up, deal, and get through until I can start to imagine the light at the end of the tunnel. Will there be dark days? Of course. Every MilSO knows that. Will there be times that I hate everything aspect of this deployment? Again, of course. Will I also be insanely proud, not only of him, but of myself? Yes. I will be proud that my fiance has volunteered to do what so many couldn't, or wouldn't do. I will be proud of myself for supporting him and being the one who waits. I will be proud that I am doing what so few of us can do. Wait and keep home safe for my man.

There will be, and already has been, drama. His dad and his wife have already started that. I'll get into it at another time. My first instinct was to get on the phone and text Sailorman and cry on his shoulder, figuratively speaking, when I saw what his dad had decided to write on fb. Instead, I defended myself and am just going to leave it at that. Today isn't a day I want to fight, however, it also isn't a day that I feel I can take anything laying down. I think this deployment is going to show me a strength I didn't know I had. I almost can't wait for that.