It's been awhile since the last time I blogged. I realize that my last blog ended on a rather sour note. I was a definite mess the entire month of March. It pretty much sucked, especially since I was actually with my Sailor for a week. I felt terrible afterwards, but almost throughout the entire time I was in VA I was in a bad mood. One of his best friends is convinced that I hate him as a result, no matter the reassurances that I or my Sailor give him. At this point I really don't care lol. He can think what he wants, as long as my Sailor doesn't start thinking the same.
So, after many tears on my end, lots of talking, and finally me deciding to stop talking and let nature take its course because I couldn't handle talking and talking until I was blue in the face, and not getting a result. I basically gave my boyfriend the bare minimum. I'm not proud of it, it wasn't a ploy to get him to give me attention. I was so incredibly tired of trying. I know that in a relationship you will never be 50/50, however I felt that I was at a 100% giving it my all and getting nothing in return. I love him. I know he loves me. But at that point I just couldn't handle it. So I stopped being positive, I stopped trying to talk, and I stopped putting forth the effort. We existed for two weeks like this, on separate coasts, and not talking. Talk about a low point in my life.
Then, a few days ago, my status on facebook was something like "thinking thoughts" it's a long running joke/grievance between us that I have no off switch when it comes to thinking. The boyfriend then said "well that's nothing new" I replied with a "true, but usually when I say I'm thinking it's because I'm going towards a very bad place." He later called me, I was flat with my answers, I had no more enthusiasm to give. I was drained of all energy when it came to our relationship. He made a complete effort for me. He apologized for not paying attention to me lately. He told me that my facebook status made him realize that he couldn't remember the last time we had had a real conversation about anything that truly mattered to us. He told me he was going to make a better effort to be us again. We talked for 3 hours. I can't remember the last time we were on the phone for 3 hours just because we wanted to be. It was incredible. I'd love to think that now we're at the end of our troubles, but I'm sure that there'll be more. The important thing is that we'll get through them. We always do.
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