Conversations

When you have pretty much based your entire relationship on conversations, relying on words to communicate what most (normal) couples are able to convey in looks and caresses....well you learn that words hold way more power than you thought they did. I never thought that I would be one of those girlfriends who needed to be reassured constantly of the fact that she was loved. To a degree I'm not, at least I don't think so (if you do please don't spoil my illusions!) but, lately I've noticed that I've been needing that extra reassurance. I don't know if the distance is all of a sudden really getting to me, or if the loop my Sailor decided to throw me into has got me thinking of all that I could have if I just said yes to moving in with him. It could be remnants of that nasty emotional business we went through in July, but....if I don't hear how much he loves me, or how wonderful he thinks I am, I feel....unloved. I absolutely hate that about myself. I pride myself on not needing to hear words of validation from others. That I was always able to be the one who did that for myself. Let's just say that the ugly duckling stage that was.....oh about ten years give or take took it's toll and has me hesitant to believe it when people tell me that I'm beautiful. I know that my boyfriend loves me. I know that he thinks I'm beautiful just the way I am. I love him more for the fact that he seems to have picked up on me needing to hear this more often and has obliged without me having to say anything about it. If anything, if I asked him, he'd probably just tell me to shut up, that I should know by now that he thinks I'm beautiful and he enjoys telling me that regularly. Whatever happened to make this switch in him I thank God for everyday. My conversations with him are growing deeper and richer everyday. Even if they are 60% quoting Charlie the Unicorn, The Big Bang Theory, and House. I just got off the phone with him, and if you couldn't tell.....we had an amazing conversation.