It's hard to try and figure out what exactly to say, how to formulate the thoughts so they make sense.......or to organize the thoughts in a way that they will make sense for someone other than just me. Valentine's Day in coming up.....yay. The first "holiday" that I'm going to away from my sailor. I'm sure there will be more, there's bound to be in the life that I've decided to choose. It doesn't make it easier. Complaining doesn't make me want to be with him less, it's just a vocalization of how I feel. Sometime I get the sense that the ultimate super military spouse is one that doesn't complain outwardly, but shows the stern solemn face to the world.
That's not me. I talk. Its what I do. I will talk to complete strangers about my problems (its usually in an appropriate manner and context, I don't just go telling random people my problems). I talk through stuff in order to get past it. I complain about my boyfriend being so far away from me because I love the goofball, and obviously I want to be with him. Not being with him frustrates me, and for the most part I deal. I go to school, I see friends. I'm not just existing waiting for the day that he comes to "rescue" me. I know that when we do marry I'm going to be alone for long stretches of time. I know that just because we're married doesn't mean that I will become his first priority all the time. I know this and I still want him. I give myself points for that one, even if no one else does.
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