Conversations

When you have pretty much based your entire relationship on conversations, relying on words to communicate what most (normal) couples are able to convey in looks and caresses....well you learn that words hold way more power than you thought they did. I never thought that I would be one of those girlfriends who needed to be reassured constantly of the fact that she was loved. To a degree I'm not, at least I don't think so (if you do please don't spoil my illusions!) but, lately I've noticed that I've been needing that extra reassurance. I don't know if the distance is all of a sudden really getting to me, or if the loop my Sailor decided to throw me into has got me thinking of all that I could have if I just said yes to moving in with him. It could be remnants of that nasty emotional business we went through in July, but....if I don't hear how much he loves me, or how wonderful he thinks I am, I feel....unloved. I absolutely hate that about myself. I pride myself on not needing to hear words of validation from others. That I was always able to be the one who did that for myself. Let's just say that the ugly duckling stage that was.....oh about ten years give or take took it's toll and has me hesitant to believe it when people tell me that I'm beautiful. I know that my boyfriend loves me. I know that he thinks I'm beautiful just the way I am. I love him more for the fact that he seems to have picked up on me needing to hear this more often and has obliged without me having to say anything about it. If anything, if I asked him, he'd probably just tell me to shut up, that I should know by now that he thinks I'm beautiful and he enjoys telling me that regularly. Whatever happened to make this switch in him I thank God for everyday. My conversations with him are growing deeper and richer everyday. Even if they are 60% quoting Charlie the Unicorn, The Big Bang Theory, and House. I just got off the phone with him, and if you couldn't tell.....we had an amazing conversation.

Surprises and Secrets

I don't like them. Probably because I'm so horrible at keeping secrets. It really doesn't help that my Sailor has actually been to school to keep secrets and getting them out of people. This usually involves me telling him his surprises and him just giving me annoyingly vague hints about my surprises. Yes this is all leading up to something.

October 1st is our one year anniversary! and we've been discussing the presents. Apparently I'm going to be getting 2-3 parts! This is getting exciting, because when he does get me presents, they're pretty frickin awesome! Whereas I.....suck at presents. So ladies, if you can take some time to comment and give me some ideas, that would be so absolutely amazing :)

Little Update

My last post had some pretty big news, and after thinking about it a lot, talking a bunch of different people, though unfortunately not my bestie seeing as how she's in Europe right now and I can't talk to her :( that I'm not going to be moving out there around January. Its just too soon, moving way too fast, and I don't think that it's a very good idea right now. I told my Sailor that, and he told me that while its not like he's not disappointed, he's going to go with whatever I say. It's really nice the changes that have happened in the last three weeks. He's letting me set the pace of our relationship, and he's supporting every decision I make. He knows I love him, and this isn't because I dont want to live with him, but....I just don't think that me moving in with him three months before his deployment is going to be good for me, and ultimately for us. Instead, my counter-offer was this: I stay here, transfer to a university, go there for winter, spring, and summer quarters then take next fall off and spend as much time as possible for when he comes home. Who knows? Maybe by then we can start talking about getting engaged, or even marriage by this time as one of our options. I feel kind of proud of myself for this decision, because as hard as it was to say no, I know that it's the right one to make right now for the both of us.