Right now, this very moment I hate my life. My boyfriend is in the Navy, and he's stationed in Virginia. I'm in San Francisco. That means that the whole freaking country is standing in our way. It's hard to describe how difficult that makes it. While I'm aware that other couples are going through, and have gone through a lot worse than that, as or right now I feel that my world is crashing.
Why? Because being right now I'm incredibly needy and it's 11pm my boyfriend's time. Plus he has to go to work tomorrow. I would feel horrible calling him to ask him to reassure me that he DOES still love me, even if I've just woken him up from his sleep to ask that question. The worse part about it is that he probably would still answer yes, of course I do, so can I go back to sleep and call you in the morning?
It also sucks being needy and not being able to verbalize that I'm feeling needy. I'm grateful that I'm in the position where I am able to talk to him, either by phone or by text everyday. I know that I'll miss that the most when he does get deployed. But I miss being with him. Even though I complain when I am with him that I'm desperate for alone time. I'm learning that life in the military is very stop and go. There is no yellow light. I miss the yellow light. However, this is the life that I want. I want him. And I think that he's worth all the crazy shit that follows in his wake.
Watching When Harry Met Sally today wasn't that great of an idea. There's this one quote from there that totally summed up how I feel: When you've met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want to start the rest of your life as soon as possible. Or something like that. I want to be married already. I'm a part of this Facebook group, full of Navy Wives, Fiancees, and Girlfriends. It seems to be mainly wives. Almost all of the "friends" I've made there have been wives. I want to be in their club. I want to be with him already. I want that stupid military ID that's bound to be a picture I can't stand and will have to show all the time. I want to move to Virginia away from my (kinda) crazy mother.
And yet I know that once I'm there, I'm going to miss California terribly. I'll miss In-N-Out. I'll miss Jamba Juice. I'll miss Liberals and Hippies. And my mom. And my friends. And everything else that is familiar. I might not really like it, but I know it.
That's why I decided to start this blog. It's for me more than anyone else. IF someone reads it, great, leave your comments and reassure that I'm not crazy.....or you could just confirm what everyone else tells me and be a sheep lol.
Just a girl who accidentally fell in love with a United States Sailor, who I call Sailorman. This blog is here to help me sort out the ups and downs that are our relationship, random thoughts, and connecting to other milspouses.
Welcome to my mind.
Sailorman is, for the most part, an absolute sweetheart. He's my knight in shining armor who is always there to save me from myself. He doesn't fully approve of blogs, so out of respect for him, as well as for security reasons his picture and name won't come up. However, he will be a star player, because well, he's a huge part of my life. I love his crazy dorky personality and I'm so excited to be his future wife!
